The Divorce Crit For crit

[MisterXIsSilent]

I see everyones paying attention
but no ones really listening
Blinded by the lies
that you thought was the truth
because that's all you could really see

Pre Chorus:
Look at all the faces
Now look at the door leading outside
Can you see the difference
ones open and the others got something to hide

Chorus:
All the petty arguments
that you thought meant nothing
but really had a deeper meaning
You're starting to realize
it was just building up to something
That you can't explain
no matter how hard you try

Look at the time of day
You slept the whole thing away
You don't wanna blame it on depression
you don't wanna say its your fault
But you can't really help yourself
You wanna win but you feel like you've already lost

Pre Chorus:
Look at the clouds the rain outside
Now look around you inside
Ones dark as the night and the others filled with light
So it looks like youll survive

Interlude:
You can't even begin to explain
all the anger that's building up
Tainted with your own self guilt
but for some reason you won't give up

Solo
Chorusx2

[MisterXIsSilent]

grrr....someone please crit and ill crit you back

[freestyle1k86]

What is it about?

[Sugar Chestnut]

I see everyones paying attention
but no ones really listening
Blinded by the lies
that you thought was the truth
because that's all you could really see

-I like the first two lines, the rest is kinda done

Pre Chorus:
Look at all the faces
Now look at the door leading outside
Can you see the difference
ones open and the others got something to hide

-cool

Chorus:
All the petty arguments
that you thought meant nothing
but really had a deeper meaning
You're starting to realize
it was just building up to something
That you can't explain
no matter how hard you try

Look at the time of day
You slept the whole thing away
You don't wanna blame it on depression
you don't wanna say its your fault
But you can't really help yourself
You wanna win but you feel like you've already lost

-idk if its just me but the whole chorus sounds more like you're just talking. it doesnt have much of a flow, maybe i just dont see it

Pre Chorus:
Look at the clouds the rain outside
Now look around you inside
Ones dark as the night and the others filled with light
So it looks like youll survive

-k kinda confusing but it works

Interlude:
You can't even begin to explain
all the anger that's building up
Tainted with your own self guilt
but for some reason you won't give up

- kinda sounds like talking again.

Solo
Chorusx2

i can see you have good ideas but you sound more like a psycho-analyzing shrink than a poet, maybe try to be more figurative and dont just say it exacty how you think it. But i think its cool, just need work. I know mine needs A Lot of work and is worse, so crit that for me please