Love Hurts

[Littlejohn]

Very jazzy, Maroon 5 type feel.


Speak low to me
Condescendingly
I'm feelin good
Give me all that I need

Scream at me
I love your voice
As I clench my fists
Until they bleed

Hit me
Hate me
It makes me want you more
Kick me
Scratch me
It makes me love you more

Tear me open
with your hands
and I'll be happy
'Cause I need your touch

Stab me in the back
With a smile
So pretty that the knife
Doesn't bother me much

Hit me
Hate me
It makes me want you more
Kick me
Scratch me
It makes me love you more

Look right through me
So I’m captivated
By your blank stare
I’m lost in your eyes

Ignore me and
I’ll enjoy the silence
A small hiatus
From all the lies

Hit me
Hate me
It makes me want you more
Kick me
Scratch me
It makes me love you more

Hit me
Hate me
Kick me
Scratch me
Hit me
Hate me
I’ll die happy

[Littlejohn]

Molten cheese and this are the only songs with no crits on the first page...

[ABulldog]

I wasn't going to post anything but,

This is boring.

Really, if you can't understand why.... then leave.

Fine, I'll tell you why. How can you get away with writing 2-3 words per line? I know it's been done before, but these ideas just don't seem to be to their full potential, therefore leaving me feeling bored because I don't get a darn thing out of this. No real imagery, except the boring cliche stuff.

Have you put this to music yet? If not then read it to yourself.... doesn't it seem like you will be done with the song in 45 seconds? I say that because Maroon 5 has a real upbeat type of feel and the lyrics may need to be longer to accomplish the same thing. I have written songs that have short lines before, but the music behind it is very slow/droning and almost psychodelic, therefore the lyrics get spaced out more.

[kevbud187]

Speak low to me
Condescendingly

Very awesome first two lines

Scream at me
I love your voice
As I clench my fists
Until they bleed

This was rather plain

Hit me
Hate me
It makes me want you more
Kick me
Scratch me
It makes me love you more

Good chorus but I think scathe would be a much better word instead of sracth.

Tear me open
with your hands
and I'll be happy
'Cause I need your touch

Stab me in the back
With a smile
So pretty that the knife
Doesn't bother me much

These two were quite violent, like you have some type of pain fetish.

Hit me
Hate me
It makes me want you more
Kick me
Scratch me
It makes me love you more

Look right through me
So I’m captivated
By your blank stare
I’m lost in your eyes

Ignore me and
I’ll enjoy the silence
A small hiatus
From all the lies

These were rather plain and didn't really add to the song I suggest revision & restructuring.

Hit me
Hate me
It makes me want you more
Kick me
Scratch me
It makes me love you more

Hit me
Hate me
Kick me
Scratch me
Hit me
Hate me
I’ll die happy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Im gonna have to agree with the guy that said this will prolly last 45 secs as a song.

[TheOpeningAct101]

i see what your trying to get at. your trying a little to hard to be origanal. i think its good exept for the chorus. also i think it would make a great song if you presesnt the lyrics with good harmony. i see nothing wrong with short lines, and i really dont understand why some people are being such ***-holes about it, but to all their own i guess. but i do think you need to find a diffrent why to say what you feel instead of repeting the same idea.

And Abulldog if your going to be an *** than maybe you should leave and take your meds or something. this forum is for CONSTRUCTIVE critisizme, not to be a jerk and shoot people out of the air. this song has good potential, and i know what you are saying but i mean come on, do we really need to be ***_holes to eachother.

[TheOpeningAct101]

plz take a look at min,
"the morning Tears Shine"

[Necroses-bass]

TheOpeningAct101: peace, love, empathy man let's all stop being arseholes and make love not war.
i love the ideals but its not gonna happen mate.

i like your piece Littlejohn, the 'Hit me, Hate me' part is a bit cliche but i like it apart from that

[Necroses-bass]

by the way check out
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=346492

[BrokenSaint]

Can't say anything that hasn't been said. Not bad, but it could be better. I'm wondering if the threadstarter is into bondage.. Anyway I liked it except that the subject is very overdone. You can tell me what a bad writer I am at http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=346771. Nuff said. Time for a sandwhich.

[Littlejohn]

I really appreciate the crits. I don't write these type of lyrics very often and I guess I should go back to the way I used to. You see people (especially MXers) tend to try WAY to hard to not be cliche. Well I'll tell you something you might not have heard before. People are dumb. If you want to play to a crowd and get them to appreciate your music you can't smack them in the face with your vocabulary and imagery. They won't get it. I have a song that I wrote a while back called "The Cask". It was an excellent song and even the veteran MXers gave it great crits. Then I played the song at battle of the bands and most people didn't get it. The reason is.....music is supposed to be fun. Now granted this song is indeed very short (a little over two minutes) but if it is a song that will get stuck in your head and you can dance around to it will do a thousand times better than even the most complex song.

I know a lot of you guys want to flame the hell out of me for saying that music isn't about the complexity but oh well. Thanks for the crits.

[ABulldog]

No, you are absolutely right... just don't expect to win the most creative award anytime soon.

[TheOpeningAct101]

for once i agree with bulldog. thats why i will never be famous, or maybes its because all my songs suck and i cant play the guitar for my life. aaah, i think ill stick with what you said johny

[Whatsisface]

I thought it was good. The verses seem a little repetitive, not really my style. I'd add an interlude or something. Otherwise it's good.

[do_dear_do_kill_me_do]

I agree with what Bulldog said about the slow music you need to add to it
On the other hand LittleJohn's right

So, I like the whole idea of the song but try to add some longer lines to just change the flow of the song, sort of changes it and then try to use a bigger vocab. Just try to create something in between what Bulldog said and what an audience expects.

That's all...
oooh, yeah can you check out this,
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=330444