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View Full Version : Nocturne of Shadows. Crit for crit, fo sho!!


NoHero9
05-29-2005, 09:41 AM
Im quite proud of this one, the lyrics make it seem darker than it really is, the music is up beat, sort of reminds me of vortex by Megadeth, the music that is. Here you are, and I will be happy to return the favor for any of your work. :thumb: :D

Nocturne of Shadows: this song is, of course, about war, and the inevitable outcome of childish wargames.

This World is so blind,
It seems that noone minds,
It's eternal Suicide,
The Destruction of our kind.

Using bombs to settle fights,
Taking deaths to whole new heights,
Destroying all in sight,
In the end, eternal night.

The fate of Humankind
Lies in uncertain hands,
The truth is so hard to find,
What the hell are thier plans.

Chorus:
Wars, in the world,
will destroy, all in sight,
and in the end, there's
nothing,
but eternal night,
The Nocturne of shadows.

These wars will end all life,
Look at all we've sacrificed,
for what they think is right,
now we embrace our deadly plight.

When the world finally dies,
the skies will turn to black,
humans will be ostracized,
for just lying on thier backs.

Chorus.

Littlejohn
05-29-2005, 04:45 PM
Very very good for what it is. Sounds a little to Dr. Seuss-ish simply because the whole song follows a strict ABAB form. Reading it sounds extremely redundant. Make sure you mix it up with the vocals. 8/10

Necroses-bass
05-29-2005, 04:56 PM
dont really like the rhyme scheme, maybe use different words but i think its not bad,
maybe bivocal?
7.5/10
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=346492

NoHero9
05-29-2005, 06:45 PM
thanks for the critique, and as for the rhyme scheme, I wrote the lyrics after the music, and going through them while playing, it flowed real nicely, so it is very speacial to me, it all came out within ten minutes. thanks alot, and now to crit yours! :thumb:

DeadReligion
05-29-2005, 06:51 PM
I love this song, the rhyme scheme is the only problem I have with it 8/10. Very reminiscent of Recipe For Hate - Bad Religion, to me.

Levile
05-29-2005, 07:23 PM
Nocturne of Shadows is the name of a song on Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. It takes a hardcore Zelda nerd to remember that.

Maybe you accidentally did it, maybe you did it and hoped nobody would know.

You should pick a different title, though.

It's good though. Lyrics are great.

NoHero9
05-29-2005, 07:29 PM
I love Zelda, I always wanted to title a song in homage to this great game, if I ever became famous, copyright laws would probably make me change it, and I realize that :upset: kudos to you for knowing! :thumb: I also made a very fast instrumental titled bolero of fire. I love zelda and speed metal. and thank you very much for the crit!!

KramerGuitars07
06-01-2005, 08:23 AM
Hey, I love these lyrics so much, do you think my metal band could use them in our next gig??