Untitled

[mosher902]

some contructive critism please, this is just a work in progress

Your eyes are like a million mirrors
but i'v never seen a mirror cry
thanks to my sweet little lie
why are you so hard to please
but love is my disease

Hold you in my arms
thats where you belong
and when the moments right i'll sing this song
the words will be smooth
but one day we'll have to move

your face is pale
as white as a ghosts
though your eyes are stained with eye liner
some say that love is a drug
but i mabye that was just the thugs
all you need is a bit of inspiration
held back by my anticipation

hold you in my arms
that's where you belong
and when the moments right
i'll sing this song

it's ok my dear
there's still so much to fear

[Littlejohn]

your so hard to please
but love is my disease


I like these lines, but the rest of that stanza is kind of flat.

don't believe what i said
these words will kill you like lead

ew. that was forced.

but i always saw it more as a silent movie


eh? That line is so out of place. I was expecting it to rhyme with drug but instead it was twice as long as the rest of the lines and didn't rhyme at all.

Decent 6/10

[mosher902]

i've made some ajustments (god i can't spell)