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[I AM CAT]

this is a rough draft that needs critting...

What have you learned?
Have you even payed attention to what I’ve taught you
Such a pathetic waste of air
You live as though nothing matters at all
Have you no passion in this life of yours?
Take this book of mine and you’ll be cured!!!

The cards scatter and fall
What are you going to do now?
You have nothing left!
It’s all gone
Such a pitiful soulless being

The chain breaks from its linkage
It listens to no one
Thinking it knows it all
Ignorant of knowledge and the power it brings
No chance of surviving now
You’ve lost it all before you even had anything at all

Pointless fighting, gets us nowhere
Leading to world destruction
Trust the power of the book
Let it guide you to the promise land
Reach out and touch it
Don’t be afraid…
There is nothing to fear except fear itself!!!

Justice has been served!!!
The power reassured
There’s no turning back
There’s no changing the past
What’s done is done
What was won is won…

[I AM CAT]

anyone?

[BrokenSaint]

Don't have a lot of time so I'll make this quick. I liked the piece a lot and I think it had an interesting approach to the subject. saying "the book" seems sort of weak and breaks up the flow, I'd try a different symbol in your metaphor (I'm assuming that it's the Bible or The Koran or The Torah.. you know one of those holy books). I don't really have anything negative to say. wait.. the last stanza is terrible. Okay I feel better. Other than the last stanza and "the book" I liked the piece a lot. Good Show

[I AM CAT]

thanks i too didnt ahve strong feelings for that last stanza and im still thinkming of what to replace the book wtih but im sure i'll figure it out thanks for the comment...