Us (Not an emo song...)

[DeadReligion]

Like the topic name says it's not emo...um...enjoy?

Us


(Verse 1)
I’ve had enough, she said,
Enough pain has been sustained,
All you do is take, take, take
I can’t watch you do this to us
(Verse 1 end)

(Verse 2)
Well I’m sorry, he said,
But soon, I will be dead,
You have a good fifty years to live,
I have nothing to give, nothing to spare,
Don’t you hear the microphones of hell blare?
They say my name, it’s their turn to blame,
(Verse 2 end)

(Verse 3)
You’re so greedy, she responded,
No care for the needy,
Won’t care for the bleeding,
Because your time here is speeding
To the finish line, you just wine and dine,
Reminisce with old friends,
While gears in my mind, go reeling,
Yours are freezing
(Verse 3 end)

(Verse 4)
For that, I have no excuse, he said,
I don’t care if you bled,
Just give me some ****ing head,
I’m so old, no longer bold,
I’m greedy, no care for the needy,
My time here is at an end,
No more to spend,
(Verse 4 end)

[DeadReligion]

/bump

[kevbud187]

"Enough pain has been sustained,"
Internal rhyming felt super forced
"Well I’m sorry, he said,
But soon, I will be dead,"
That was way way forced I can't even believe my eyes
"I have nothing to give, nothing to spare,
Don’t you hear the microphones of hell blare?"
^^ Read above comment + These lines aren't even that good
"You’re so greedy, she responded,
No care for the needy,
Won’t care for the bleeding,
Because your time here is speeding
To the finish line, you just wine and dine,"
That was so forced that i am beging to think that you are yoda
"For that, I have no excuse, he said,
I don’t care if you bled,
Just give me some ****ing head,
I’m so old, no longer bold,
I’m greedy, no care for the needy,
My time here is at an end,
No more to spend,"
um same old story with rhyme forces
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dont bump this again. I feel it is better left forgotten. btw find a synonym for "said"

[ETERNALFALLS]

try not to rhyme all the time

[DeadReligion]

Hah...For once I agree, I just got kinda bored and decided to write a completely metaphorical song. The metaphor is a relationship, its really supposed to be conversation between George W. Bush and Lady Liberty, hence the title Us (or U.S.)...about how he is completely destroying us...anyway...yeah, probably better left forgotten, i just wanted input...i wont bump it agian

[ABulldog]

Well, I hate emo.... musically. Sometimes you can write an emo song, but not put it with the style of music that is usually accompanied with the genre. I mean "emo".... or emotional music has been around since people have put lyrics to music itself. That being said, your idea that you just said might do better as an emo song... lyrically.

I think if you're gonna do a metaphorical song, then you should put stronger imagery in to this. It just sounds like boring screen play jibber-jabber.