* You Wont Ever Be Missed * Please crit!

[Deception]

Oh yay an emo song =x, and a stray intro I have yet to put into a song yet. Please crit!!

--

Will you do me a favor?
And drink this pill down.
I promise you,
It will be the best gift,
I've given to you.
So drink it up,
and swallow it whole.
As your heart stops beating,
and your skin corrodes.
Gasping for air,
as your lungs begin to collapse.

(And every second of it, I'd be laughing into tears.)
(And every second of it, I'd be laughing into tears.)

I'm not a bad guy.
I like to think of myself as a superhero.
Ridding the world of all the heart breakers, liars, and cheaters.
(Like you.)
And I hope that you burn.
And I hope that you hate yourself for this.
That and the fact that you wont ever be missed.

Will you do me a favor?
And stand right there,
And stay real still,
So I can put this bullet through your head.
And I can tie you up,
And take you to the lake.
Then push you in,
And watch you sink.
Finally feel a sense of satisfaction.

(And every second of it, I'd be laughing into tears.)
(And every second of it, I'd be laughing into tears.)

I'm not a bad guy.
I like to think of myself as a superhero.
Ridding the world of all the heart breakers, liars, and cheaters.
(Like you.)
And I hope that you burn.
And I hope that you hate yourself for this.
That and the fact that you wont ever be missed.

You wont ever be missed..
You wont ever be missed..
You wont ever be MISSED

No one ever misses,
A lying backstabber like you.

--

So yeah, that's my song.. here's another little thing I have that I guess can be used for a intro to another song.. dunno why I'm putting it up here, just thought I'd share it.

'Laying on your bedroom floor.
With a good look at your blood stained shoes,
from when you smashed them right into my heart.
And there's a gash in my chest,
from where it used to be.
It was yours too hold, and it was yours to keep.
But now it's broken into a thousand peices (thanks to you).
I don't I can love again, not the way that I loved you.
And now I hope you choke, and I hope you die.
Maybe you can get a taste of what this feels like..'

[INSERT CHORUS HERE]

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to crit!

[NoHero9]

I sort of like it, and also the fact that it doesnt really have to be emo, in my opinion.

7/10

[Deception]

Thanks for the crit.

[panthersfan16]

This hit close to home... I just broke up with my girlfriend last week, and this song describes my feelings towards here to a tee (she was through and through evil, and I wasted a year of my life believing her lies, if that helps put it into context)

Anyway, about the song, pretty brutal. I think that it would be pretty good for a metal song or something, not emo, I hate emo. As far as language goes, this was lame, except for the chorus, which is pretty cool *superhero line*

The song however, flows very well, and with a good vocalist, this could be a really cool song. You can get a ton of emotion from it

Overall- Emotion and flow=great Language=could be better
7.9/10

Crit my song please
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=346126

[Deception]

Thanks for the crit. Can you please define what you mean by language?

Also, I just crit'd your song.

[Deception]

bump

[SubtleDagger]

Ugh. I like DC as much as the next guy but you're totally ripping him off. Despite that, one song a thread. I don't want to read two things in one thread, period.