A poem called "Us"

[YouGottaBeCrazy]

We're merely human. We make mistakes.
We tell lies and there's things we fake.
We are biased and we like to hate.
We pre-judge and we discriminate.
We lust, we cheat, and we steal.
We have a clean slate once we kneel.
We hold in feelings. We can't forgive.
We waste the only life we live.
We are split in two, as human and ape.
We can be kind, some of us rape.
We can control how we really feel.
We love to feel down. We choose to heal.

We take time for granted. Why?
Is it our work ethic we defy?
Or our mortality we deny?
Will we live on in a place in the sky?
Or do you feel that it's all a big lie?
Should we live for now or should we wait?
Why do we love to contemplate?
We must move foward and eliminate
all our anger and all our hate.
I'm a terrible person and I love it.
I know I'll never be above it.
So, my peaceful words don't quite fit.
Why are humans such hypocrites?

[YouGottaBeCrazy]

anyone wanna' critique it?

[Electric Riley]

A poem called "Us" is never going to have much potential. Granted, at least it isn't a love poem, but its still not very good.

Sorry.

[YouGottaBeCrazy]

darn

[DeadReligion]

The rhyming REALLY pissed me off...lol. Using one line for one topic, and changing topic every line probably isn't such a great idea, use one verse for one topic, and show how they are all related in the chorus...The topics themselves were good and some of the lines had potential...