What You Don't Know Won't Kill You

[antidote for loneliness]

tear this song apart as best as you can. Crit for Crit, just leave a link.


What You Don’t Know Won’t Kill You
5/26/2005

All of our regrets come back to find us
Lingering in each and every empty footstep
Casting shadows upon the blank faces
Of the indulgent people who’ve made mistakes
And our broken promises come back to haunt us
They’re protruding from every whisper you hear

So keep your best-kept secrets away from the deception
Don’t reveal the truth if you don’t have a need to
Cause what you don’t know won’t kill you
But you might breathe your last breath
If you know what I’ve secretly been keeping

And it’s killing me inside
Every time I come to speak
All I can hear is innocent dishonesty
Coming from my mouth
So I guess I’ll pretend not to notice
For the meantime I wont care at all

So keep your best-kept secrets away from the deception
Don’t reveal the truth if you don’t have a need to
Cause what you don’t know won’t kill you
But you might breathe your last breath
If you know what I’ve secretly been keeping

(needs to be changed? has too many “speak” related words in it)
And I think its all been catching up to me
start slurring my words so you can’t hear what I'm saying
Muffling coughs when I cant think of anything to say
I guess I don’t know what I'm saying anymore
I don’t know what I mean to say and
For some odd reason it doesn’t make sense

(too rhymish?)
I’ve always been the one to speak independently
Whatever is on my mind it speaks to me
But lately all I’ve been feeling is guilty
And I think its all been catching up to me

So keep your best-kept secrets away from the deception
Don’t reveal the truth if you don’t have a need to
Cause what you don’t know won’t kill you
But you might breathe your last breath
If you know what I’ve secretly been keeping

[IOWNU200]

thanks for the comments on my piece

All of our regrets come back to find us
Lingering in each and every empty footstep
Casting shadows upon the blank faces
Of the indulgent people who’ve made mistakes
And our broken promises come back to haunt us
They’re protruding from every whisper you hear

This is kind of cool, I really like the first two lines alot, i'm not really sure what you were trying to do with the 3 and 4 lines though, they seem kind of eh... The word "protruding" doesn't seem quite right either.

(will finish this later)

[IOWNU200]

So keep your best-kept secrets away from the deception
Don’t reveal the truth if you don’t have a need to
Cause what you don’t know won’t kill you
But you might breathe your last breath
If you know what I’ve secretly been keeping

The first line is awkward, your best kept secret is obviously kept, so want to re-word so that you avoid the double "kept". I dunno, i'm just not a big fan of this verse, the whole you'll die if you know the secret i keep seems almost a little arrogant, I don't know, i'm just not a fan.

And it’s killing me inside
Every time I come to speak
All I can hear is innocent dishonesty
Coming from my mouth
So I guess I’ll pretend not to notice
For the meantime I wont care at all

It's killing you inside, but you don't care at all? This song seems to have some weird emotion going on. innocent dishonesty? I dunno possibly i'm just not getting this. I'm just really confused by the way you channel your emotion.

And I think its all been catching up to me
start slurring my words so you can’t hear what I'm saying
Muffling coughs when I cant think of anything to say
I guess I don’t know what I'm saying anymore
I don’t know what I mean to say and
For some odd reason it doesn’t make sense

There's an easy way to get rid of all the says....just ditch them, alot of theses lines you don't need to put it in. Jsut play around with it and take it out, it looks bad as it is.

I’ve always been the one to speak independently
Whatever is on my mind it speaks to me
But lately all I’ve been feeling is guilty
And I think its all been catching up to me

I don't like the speak in the second line, i'd re-word that, change "guilty" to "guilt", otherwise though this stanza was decent.

Overall, I just don't get the emotion out of this peice, because it seems to go in every direction. Try to centralize it a bit more. You can make this better.