inspired by bad brains and SOAD

[burton.and.gas]

fill me with hate,
and self destructive masochism,
fill me with love
and true belief in pacifism.

so i say to thee,
conformity,
that i shall never let you eat me.

bounce on the fire.
bounce on desire.
bounce on the flames and the pains and the melody.

jump off the walls.
jump into falls.
jump and suceed or you will get hell from me.

spit on the voice in the back of your head.
you won't get better until it's dead.
stand up and gain the self esteem,
to make a wish or dream a dream.

masochism,
pacifism,
walls falls and hell

[burton.and.gas]

bump!

[burton.and.gas]

bumpo!

[TheOpeningAct101]

i really not one for structured ryming, but i do like it here. if this were to be a song i would try to word it a little diffrent. there are just to many places were you can mess up. but since i have a strong belief that this is a poem, i relly do thin it is fine the way it is. you have said your thoughts in a very creative way and for that,2 thumbs for you. actually now that i think of it. the ending might need some work, i dont really like it. i belive an ending should be the most powerful piece of the poem. anyway 7/10 good job

take a peek
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=8397283#post8397283

[BlastFunk03]

I'm a huge Bad Brains fan, and anything inspired by them can't be all bad. First, I think you need to ask yourself...can i sing this extremely fast. I couldn't, its too much of a toung twister. If this is supposed to be reminicent of BB, its got to have an easy going flow. The three words i thought didn't belong were "thee, melody, and dream a dream". Besides all that, the subject matter and relation to it is very good, and everything else is good.

[burton.and.gas]

well its bad braisn and SOAD hecne where "thee" and "melody" came from i am sure they woudl use them. do you think there is a BB/SOAD similarity. cos its not liek really strong but i kinda feel they can be form time to time.

[Riding The Short Bus]

I could sing it fast, although I gotta admit pacifism is hard to say. If you intend it to be a fast song though it is way too short, it would only last like 30 seconds maybe 45. Needs to be longer andhave a definate chorus. Other than that good work.

[StrangelyBrewed13]

The song is pretty short. It needs to be longer with a chorus. Even if that chorus doent have a lot of emphasis put on it. Heres mine http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=366455

[Muggsy]

you need a good chorus and good music to back it up and make it longer. Make the music most of the song and throw in the the lyrics.(also a good ol solo(maybe a bass solo :thumb:)) 6/10

Crit mine at: http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=367307

[burton.and.gas]

ok its not necessarily meant to be sung fast.