Puppet

[live_metal_die_metal]

Just another song i wrote

Any advice is appreciated , post a song here if you want me to crit yours.

Puppet

Living in a shell without a mind
Having nothing, not even self control
Following every command as said,
Have no choice, just to be lead

Anchored by the strings on my back
Wishing i could be set free,
Just another brick in this wall broken wall
Of what they used to call humanity

Thinking in a mind with no thought
Brain controlled by the strings
Every action i make
Is not the one i wish to bring

Blinded by the darkness surrounding me
Fed by the strings pierced into my mind
Is this world the hell it appears to be?
Or am i just blind.

Trapped in this darkened reality
Or is it just a nightmaric fantasy
Held back in a frame of my mind
Have no choice , just to be lead.

The strings are becoming looser
As i am forced to fall
The strings are becoming looser
As this is the end of it all



My other songs:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=345364&highlight=Wintersight

[darkstar_s.s.]

tell me what you think about it i wrote it today it is a death metal song FizzHarris didn't like it so i made changes
PUDDLE OF FILTH

Now im face down in a puddle of filth
and im late now for the film
because im face down in a puddle of filth
now I break down in this place

so here I am on my way
getting ready to rock on a sunset lane
here I am late for the show
everyone is getting ready to go

and im still face down in a puddle
I will be late now for the film
because im face down in a puddle of filth
I will break down in this place

I am still on my way
to rock on a sunset lane
I am still late for the show
everyone is wanting to go

face

down x2

im face down in this puddle of filth I can’t breathe
I can’t eat nor sleep
I can’t get out, trapped down inside
now I’m falling
this sight is appalling

this is the end
I am starting shake
the earth is beginning to quake
here it goes face down in a puddle of filth
I am now late for the film
late for the show
I do not want to go

face

down x2

face down in this puddle of filth
trying to wait now for life to come
the end has not begun
and I’m still face down in this puddle
waiting now for this new time to come

tell me what you think it is a death metal song

[darkstar_s.s.]

puppet is pretty good song man i posted a song for you to crit ^

[live_metal_die_metal]

"trying to wait now for life to come
the end has not begun"

really like this line here

could have a few imporvements throughout the song, overall , well written

8/ 10

[freestyle1k86]

puppet is pretty good song man i posted a song for you to crit ^
Maybe it's best you make your own seperate thread.

[Rushki Smushki]

puppet is pretty good song man i posted a song for you to crit ^

What the hell? Please, realise that thats not how criting works around here...Don't post your own song in other peoples threads, and then give a sentance response hoping for a crit in return.

Just...No

[mosher902]

sorry this aint a crit really but all i can think of is master of puppets by mettalica, i don't think i'm alone in this preconseption