The Terrors of Growing

[IOWNU200]

Alright, it took me quite a while to work out this piece, so i hope it turned out well. This songs pretty much just one big verse, but i'll list it into verses for the sake of making it easier to read.

Verse 1

The scepter rules the memories
It forgets what we love
Packs the antiques up in boxes
Regards the polish below

Verse 2

While in the kingdom memories can't be sewn
Forgetting all we know once our love becomes the throne
My mind is a fire, burning things I once loved
Faltering now that my heart's not a dove

Verse 3

My confusion sparks, sets the castle ablaze
Losing the sense of self I tried so hard to tame
I'll take one step back, try to assess the situation
While my understanding burns slowly along with the flames

Verse 4

Ambulance sirens fade in and out of my ears
the rescue team's too late to save us now
The only artifact recovered from the ashes
Now hangs in my heart where my pride used to be

[antidote for loneliness]

Hey, you did a great job in this piece. I absolutely love the line "My mind is a fire, burning things I once loved," and the last verse is also quite nice. I can see this being an actual song too. What kind of music will it be played with? (if you're using this as an actual song) It seems to flow rather well also. 9/10. (9 - always room for imporvement)

[IOWNU200]

I was thinking acoustic as I wrote it, but I probably won't ever get it out becuase I'm a terrible guitar player, most o fthe music I get out is more pop-rock/pop-punk style. I appreciate the comments

[EmergencyRoom]

I was thinking acoustic as I wrote it, but I probably won't ever get it out becuase I'm a terrible guitar player, most o fthe music I get out is more pop-rock/pop-punk style. I appreciate the comments


I have a similar problem. i can write wordy and poetic pieces but putting them to music is nigh on impossible and i end up dumbing things down lyric wise for the good of the song. if you figure a way of linking both then let me know! the song is a lot better than most of the stuff on here but putting it to music looksz like being a problem. good luck with that.

[Corupt2057]

Verse 1
The scepter rules the memories
It forgets what we love
Packs the antiques up in boxes
Regards the polish below

ok I'm gonna go along with this but I don't agree with the whole forgetting the things that we love people just don't do that.. anyways when I got to this I'm curious on the end how the scepter imagery is gonna link up through the rest of the song so I definitely wanted to read on

Verse 2
While in the kingdom memories can't be sewn
Forgetting all we know once our love becomes the throne
My mind is a fire, burning things I once loved
Faltering now that my heart's not a dove

ok I like the majestic imagery you're throwing out now I'm satisfied with that but the last line 'your hearts not a dove' saying that is doesn't have any freewill right? but for some reason I was think of using your heart on a metaphor as being the kinds red carpet like your heart is always getting stepped on.. anyways I'm loving the overlying metaphor or your theme

Verse 3
My confusion sparks, sets the building ablaze
Losing the sense of self I tried so hard to tame
I'll take one step back, try to assess the situation
While my understanding burns slowly along with the flames

'building'!? royalty doesn't live in buildings they live in castles bah you're losing the mood you've set for the imagery but not the thought of the feelings
man those last two lines were genious man great work on that wording and idea but I think you need to take ou the 'along'

Verse 4
Ambulance sirens fade in and out of my ears
the rescue team's too late to save us now
The only artifact recovered from the ashes
Now hangs in my heart where my pride used to be

bah 'ambulance' ok the medeivel idea is gone man you need to pick one or the other cause the imagery just isn't tieing together.. good ending really like the artfact idea goes back to the point of time for the imagery but you need to pick the time you want this song to be set in because you have all these medeivel images and stuff but then you talk about present day things like buildings and ambulances

over-all I think this is decent I like the metaphor you used as the theme of the song but I don't think it let's all your emotions out kinda masks them in a couple lines anyways it's decent but I'm more the egh.. side because your imagery is contrasting to much

anwyas a crit back would be appreciated
The Burden of the Scythe (http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=345465)