crit for crit

[rabbit]

A bridge has not been written yet, this is a very basic outline. Obviously singing it will require fades, repetition, power etc. This is set to a slow distorted goth type rock groove. I'd be happy for feedback, constructive and not destructive would be helpful :) I'll be on holiday after today for the next 2 weeks so I wont get to crit back directly. :) :) Thanks, Rabbit


Verse:
Find me salvation
I'm perfect night
I'm pure destruction
I'm pure delight

I seek temptation
my hell's assured
beg for redemption
whore just to cure

Refrain:
I'm chasing dragons
you'll never know
painful extremes
or how far I'll go

I'm chasing dragons
I'm coming down
Life glitters darkly
as I hit the ground

Verse:
Grant me protection
I seek the grail
need resurrection
lie beg or steal

give me surrender
I seek the kiss
immaculate splendor
endless abyss

Refrain:
I'm chasing dragons
you'll never know
painful extremes
or how far I'll go

I'm chasing dragons
I'm coming down
Life glitters darkly
as I hit the ground

[lilwing89]

hey thats pretty good for the 5 syl a line flow. great flow, and great lyrics. i like songs about love thought and prefer them actually. ur song it songs really gothicy, and thats just righteous lol. kinda inventive kinda not, i know what ur talking about with pain and stuff but theres no story to tell. reminds me kindof like sweet dreams by marilyn manson u kno? i love that song.....*sigh*....ur lyrics might be kinda more interesting if u right about like a story in ur life, like if u were abused as a kid, just be reall abstract n ****. just go all out(or not). is this ur first song?
well over all...hold on lemme read it again..id say ooo 6/10.
its ok tho.
heres my link have fun critting mine
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=345565
fly on
lil wing

[rabbit]

Thanks, and Nah, not the first song, LOL, I dont post the songs were actually using as a band, this is the **** in the back of the mind stuff :) Its a drug song, its about withdrawal :) Ya, its pretty simple though, your right :)
Thanks for the Crit,appreciate it and its always helpful :)
"Rock it heavy"- Rabbit

[lilwing89]

ok ic. lucky to be in a band, i play guitar really good and nobody around here plays anything. my song, i just wanted to see if anyone got the message or anything thats why i posted it. and i cant rip the **** out of ur song, like the words and **** are all glued together and go very well with eachother. i could see the withdrawal in the song, but not drug thing, i dont think u go to hell for drugs. :lol:
some of the best **** lyrically i ever heard is from marilyn manson jimi hendrix alien ant farm and dashboard confessional.
fly on
lil wing