Untitled

[Darnok]

Started writing a song, just wondered what you all think of it so far?

Looking out for answers which never came
can someone give me the rulebook to this game?
sometimes I think I need to go and fly
either that or I'll stay here and die

Looking back I don't think I've had any fun
eyes to the floor, looking for the one
why can't I look at what's in front of me?
Cos maybe then I'd be staring at reality

CHORUS

Bury my head in the sand, I don't know why
maybe so I can complain I don't see the sky
Bury my head in the sand, I don't know why
maybe so I can complain I don't see the sky

Cheers!!

[bowl of oranges]

Really lacking substance here, granted it's not finished but nothing here stuck in my head for longer than the 20 seconds it took me to read.

The ryhmes sound very forced and hinder the flow somewhat.

Don't like the repetition in the chorus.

Needs alot of work, maybe with the rest of the song it could improve it a little but will need alot of imagination to rescue it.

However, don't be discouraged, keep writing, it's the only way you'll be able to improve.

3/10

Your opinions of my work would be appreciated.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=338240

thankyou.