Not what these people want.

[.::Ella::.]

Ok,well. This is a first draft. A slow song. Sort of brand newish.

I didn't want to be vulgar,but i'll say it.
I think you're angelic,but that's lost all meaning.
I meant to say you're nice,delightful even.
'Yeah,this was easier when i was talking to you photo'
I'll wait for as long as it takes...

Your lies died,and took me with them.
I can't tell if it's a good thing but,I want to pay you back.
How about all those qualities you lack?
I couldnt think of anything better. You try.

I'd shake your hand but, i'd have my blood
on my hands.That's not what these people want.
I'd walk you to your death,if it meant i'd be there too.
I don't think it's what these people want.

It is alrite,really,you go.
I'll wait for the crazy man with one eye to stop by.
He can see more than you ever will.
I forget what i wanted to say.
I hope you still understand.
I hope they make you pay.

I'd shake your hand but, i'd have my blood
on my hands.That's not what these people want.
I'd walk you to your death,if it meant i'd be there too.
You can't share you're joy.You don't want to share you pain.

[bowl of oranges]

Got some nice ideas in there, especially the first stanza had promise i'd say. As it is however it seems like a chore to read through as it has no real flow to it. It seems as if you've tried to rhyme some parts but not others and this leaves it with no real structure.

If you got more of a structure and flow going it would improve a whole lot.

That's not what these people want.

I don't think it's what these people want.

Don't especially like the vague repetition used here.

Not a bad effort, with some revision could be half decent.

5/10

your thoughts on my work would be appreciated.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=338240