"nothing and something more"

[Sloth]

here's a quick read.... crits would be most appreciated :thumb:


"nothing and something more"

-_-
The clock hands shatter
and I gasp myself awake
discovering tears
gathered in the hollow
of my pilow.

It doesn’t make sense
it’s nothing
something more
the square root of two
is orange
blue veins trace
my lineage back to
peace
harmonius sunsets

the sun rises with a bang
day and night rub shoulders
as they part with a kiss of
morning stars and northern lights
the radiance ignites me
I sit on a scarlet beach
waiting with shining silver cats who sing
waiting with glittering golden dogs who hum
for whom?
Where has he gone
when will he come?
And he’s there
the universe in his eyes
all wisdom and insight
is a cloak gathered around him
stepping inside my soul
time sighs
dies with no regrets
it’s the end
beginning
of nothing
something more
and all the clocks break
free
shattering their bonds.

And I cry
in sweet streams
for nothing
something more
yet to be.
-_-

[overdramatic]

I love this one. Great images. 8/10

Please crit my song hello dearest... (link) (http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=339109)

[Zjanarhi]

It's very vivid, although I'm not quite sure what message it's conveying. 9/10

[Sloth]

consider this a bump

[-R*]

To be honest to me it seems very forced. I like some bits of it, but it seems that in an attempt to make it original/less cliché, that its lost all the personal touches that a song needs to make it stand out.

It doesn’t make sense
it’s nothing
something more
the square root of two
is orange

Really liked this bit of the song though, reminded me of something from a cure song

[Sloth]

Bump

[WaitingForSomething]

beautiful, awsome visual. awsome writing skills. i applaude you sloth.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=340099

could you crit mine?

[Corupt2057]

*bookmarks*
I will get back to critique this

[G_R_E_E_N_D_A_Y_!]

The cheese song

has anyone one met my freind mr cheese
he lives in a house of cheddar
a told him if he does not leave
that i will eat his house of cheese
(chorous)
CHEESE
i like to eat it
CHEESE
i like to stick it in..
my bum hole of darkness
mmmmmmmmm yeah cheese
its good on toast
mmmmmmmmm yeah cheese
SCREAMING CHEEEEEEEESE
YEAH
you know you want some
CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!
(solo)

i told my freind i would eat his house
and thats just what i did
he cried and he cried but i laughed
and said it was good and then..
A BIT HIS F**KING HEAD OFF
YEAH.... CHEESE
cheeeeeeeeeese yeah

[BlacklightGuitarist]

As usual with your work, the end finds me in wild applause... Well done. Here's a few lines that I didn't like much, though:

'and I gasp myself awake'

I know what you're getting at, but it just doesn't seem to flow right in my mind. You'd want something like, "I awake gasping," or "begging for breath" or something...

Actually, that was the only line I didn't like. Wicked stuff.
Peace,
Andy

[Leaves]

Please tell me what is the meaning of "the square root of two / is orange". I'm a math teacher, so that line caught my eye, but it also escapes reason. Thanks.