A Song To Set You On Fire (mp3 inc.)

[KKKKKocaine]

A Song To Set You On Fire, from our debut E.P. Put Pen To Paper And Hope It Holds.
The MP3 of this song is http://www.soundclick.com/bands/writePage.cfm?myType=music&bandid=242459&bandnamesave=bandagethesehearts there, it should be the first one, I feel having the actual vocal track makes it easier to comment on the lyrics. Brackets indicate screams.

Lay down that coat, makeup bag and murder kit
Does it hurt Does it hurt (Does it hurt?)
Say it, my fists are full of vitriol
These words are over you
I don’t think I need you anymore

Say you see right through these dry eyes
So you curl and fake your demise
Do you think I’ll ever care again?
When all you say is (I don’t feel)

Shut up now just pull your tongue back
Watch it slide Watch it slide (Watch it slide)
Push the steel and make a new groove
This blood’s all over you
I don’t think I want you anymore

Say you see right through these dry eyes
So you curl and fake your demise
Do you think I’ll ever care again?
When all you say is (I don’t feel)

Push your fingers all the way down to your heart
Is it cold, is it cold, (is it cold?)
See your heart pump you full of regret
Your chance is over now
I don’t think about you anymore

Say you see right through these dry eyes
So you curl and fake your demise
Do you think I’ll ever care again?
When all you say is (I don’t feel)

(Now do you realise
Now do you realise
Now do you realise
My heart turns to something else)
Tear it into something new
Something breaking apart into (you)
When all you had is leaving now
Just bend your lips, (a perfect frown)

(Cross your heart and cry yourself to sleep)x2

[bowl of oranges]

I'm afraid i started listening to the track whilst reading the lyrics. I don't like the vocals at all. I found it more off putting whilst trying to form an opinion of the lyrics.

As far as the lyrics go. They're not bad. I just have trouble liking songs about the same old breaking heart lyrics. The use of blood is also an overused idea and should be used less in my opinion. Saying this it has an alrite flow when read through. Just doesn't flow too well on the mp3.

If these were my lyrics i'd definantly try and make it less cliche and on the track the vocals need some work. Would like to see/hear another improved version if you ever think of doing one.

4/10

A crit on my work would be appreciated alot.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=338240

thanks.

[KKKKKocaine]

I'm afraid i started listening to the track whilst reading the lyrics. I don't like the vocals at all. I found it more off putting whilst trying to form an opinion of the lyrics.

As far as the lyrics go. They're not bad. I just have trouble liking songs about the same old breaking heart lyrics. The use of blood is also an overused idea and should be used less in my opinion. Saying this it has an alrite flow when read through. Just doesn't flow too well on the mp3.

If these were my lyrics i'd definantly try and make it less cliche and on the track the vocals need some work. Would like to see/hear another improved version if you ever think of doing one.

4/10

A crit on my work would be appreciated alot.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=338240

thanks.


Without wanting to seem ungrateful for the crit, I'm not bothered about you not liking the topic, or the vocal track. Just the comments about cliche lyrics.
Using the word 'blood', is not cliche. If we're going to start the cliche war, then every single lyrical topic is cliched and should be shrouded in mystery and 20 letter words.
I really disagree with having to break out the thesaurus when the point of lyrics is to write what you feel, if you naturally write something abstract or complicated, then fine, but you shouldn't force it to be complicated when you really want to say something simple.
You could present me with practically any set of lyrics from any artist and anyone could point out cliched sections, the reason 'broken heart' songs get more criticism from people is the current trendy trend against emo.

As for 'broken heart' lyrics, the song isn't actually 'boohoo you broke my heart' and the relationship strand of the song is only a minor plot line, most of the song actually focuses on self harm and EDs.
Having said that though, I have asked for comments and you gave me some. I just disagree with sections of them.

[bowl of oranges]

It's all down to personal preference. I'm not saying what you've written is bad. Just in my opinion i prefer other topics and more colourful language.

At the end of the day, if you like it then don't worry about what anyone else says or thinks.