Shakespear Should Have Wrote Play About You and Me (please crit)

[BassPlayer222]

This is my first time posting in this lyrical thingy. Mostly i just ask people i know. But you guys seem to crticize well so im posting it here.

This song is my first quote "love song". It's kinda sappy but its got a piano part so it aboviously has to be. Mostly girls liked it and dudes thought it was stupid.Tell me what you think.

Shakespear Should Have Wrote Plays About You and Me
Verse 1
Do you think when shakespear wrote all his love tales
about starcorssed lovers and nightingales
do you think he wrote them about me and you
did he know wut wed end up going through

Chorus
if i was your husband and you were my wife
we would live the most perfect life
wed have beautiful children and a white picket fence
life would never leave us in suspence
but life's not perfect and id be willing to bet
we'd just end up like romeo and juliet

2nd Verse
i always thought i knew better
me plus you would always equal forever
i knew if i told you id feal so wrong
thats why my band played you that stupid love song
if you knew you mightve broken my heart
would you still have crumpled it up and ripped it apart

3rd Verse
do you think when a band writes song about love
teens, breakups and sharing foot long subs
do you think those songs are about you and me
and why can't we ever see
what was write in front of us all along
more then just another teenage love song
what were to blind to ever notice before
to blind to see you were never keeping score

[cres(ent]

pretty good, kind of cliche but there was also a certain personal touch which helped make up for it. I could tell there was feeling and in the end thats the most integral part of a work of art.

[thickasabrick]

Yeah it's sort of cliche, but I can tell you put a lot of work into it..which is really just what counts in the end. If you read the lyrics for a lot of "love songs" they are about as sappy as any song could possibly be. But as long as they are from the heart it doesn't matter. Kudos to you for writing such a sappy song!

I've written poems like that before, lyrics are a little different because they have to be accompanied by music. Good luck with it though (is it written with a certain girl in mind?)

[BassPlayer222]

*bump*