I Hope you Get to where You're Going (Crit. Please)

[longview2677]

Any advice on how to make this better would be appreciated. This is only my second song, so go easy on me.

One journey may be over now
but another's just begun.
Who knows how long you'll walk your path?
You're finished when you're done

You've made mistakes before right now,
you'll make mistakes again.
Look at them from the other side.
Mistakes can be your friend.

(Chorus) I hope you get to where you're going
Hope you realize where you are
Remember you are here right now
and you won't be going far.

You'll always get a second chance
If it's what you really want
You don't always have to swing away
You can win with just a bunt

In closing I would like to say
what's done is done; it's true
but fearless walk into the world
there's still much left to do.

I hope you get to where you're going
Hope you realize where you are
Remember you are here right now
and you won't be going far.

[XemoXmoshXpitX]

I can see you have potential. My advice on improving your writing would be not to try so hard to rhyme. Maybe try putting all your thoughts into a standard piece of writing (like you would do for an English class), then break it up into free verse (lyrics that have rhythm and flow, but not necessarily rhyme). After that, you can always use a thesaurus if you still think rhyming is necessary.

Also you are using this pattern very frequently: ABCB (rhyming second and fourth lines)

Try to use other patterns, such as ABAB (probably the next pattern anyone would use at your point)

Not everything has to flow right away. Try making the choruses and verses different lengths. Experiment with oddly flowing lyrics, then touch them up to create a bridge. Sometimes listening to actual songs will influence how you write, or give you awesome ideas.

[bowl of oranges]

I think it flowed quite well myself. Although the structure was quite standard and the vocabularly was limited it didn't bore me.

I think you have alot of potential, try adding in more colourful words and some imagery with metaphors and similies. This could help to make your writing more vivid and ot capture the audiences attention.

Overall not bad and again i have to say i liked the flow. If you're just beginning to write well done and keep going, you can only get better.

6.5/10