fighting off the demons plz crit

[natta]

Fighting off the demons

Holding me back while I'm striving to be
Breaking the rules stealing my dreams
In the fine line between heaven and hell
Is the place where the demons dwell

They say im the one who can’t be freed
They say on my pain these demons will feed
Taunting and teasing in the shadows of night
Tonight im going to fight for my life

CHORUS
Fighting off the demons like the ones in my room
There’s tension in the air they’ll be here soon
The beginning of the end but for who will it be
I feel the pain and now I can see the demons will be (Everything stops)
Defeated by me

Laying and waiting I hear the window crack
The shards and the splinters they pierce my back
Paralysed by the pain and stricken by my fear
The war begins as the demons appear

Scanning the scene of this massacre of mine
The smoke from the guns brings a tear to my eye
The battle ground was my room the arena my bed
Am I insane or was it all in my head?

Chorus

Bridge
I’ll confess my sins to the falling rain
For what I have done I am not proud
Cut the rope and let me fall
Don’t want to lose control
I don’t want to lose control

[landofmakebelieve]

your grammer makes the versus hard to read....but the bridge is awesome.

[mikethecoug]

great song, the chorus and bridge bring out the anger.. 7/10 room for improvement in the verses.

[Light_Fantastic]

Great Song Idea...
As if I was reading a movie script...very visual....
I agree about tightening up some of the vocalbulary in the verses, less is more, shorten your ideas just a bit....7/10 Nice Job on this song.....