Lost at sea (plz crit)

[Chrisman69]

heyy just wrote this corus,its pretty much the standard "u dumped me im sad" song ,working on the verses now... plz tell me what you think of it

Im drowning in a lake of goodbyes
You packed your ****, walked out the door
your words tore out my insides
i pour out onto the floor
Now my hearts having trouble beating
You left me lost at sea
and If you ever need me
youll find me passed out where you left me

[mpdrummer16]

it seems decent, but it doesn't sound like it flows very well, but that may be because there is no music, and i dont know what the rthym is like at all, but overall pretty good