Let Go (The last Poet)

[IOWNU200]

Okay, well I'm still in a stage where I can't finish anything, but help me out on waht i've got here, leave a link and i'll get back to your piece.

Let Go (The Last Poet)

Verse 1

When the last remaining poet is told to shut his mouth
When the last radical liberal is chased back into "sanity"
Will we ever finally realize what truly spins the world around?
Will we finally see the beauty of our controverseys

Chorus

Analysis from far away
Can better see
What chokes the day
The poet from the point blank range
can better see
what needs to change

Verse 2

You never thought it would come down to this
but do you see what we've become since he's been gone
We can't keep holding onto the bar without a reason
Sometimes the fall gives us something to think about

Bridge

We need beauty to kill the monotony of our safest days
We need controversey to keep ourselves alive

Verse 3

A world without anything to believe
Is a world without pain and agony
But a world without pain and agony
Is a world without love and happiness

Bridge 2

So when the world is finished destroying every last poet
There will be nothing left to feel

Outro

When we chase down every last problem...
When we eliminate all responsibility...
When we are granted complete freedom...
When we know all there is to know...
There will be nothing left to love

Alright, give me an opinion

[bowl of oranges]

The lines seperatly seem well written to me, but it doesn't seem to fit together and flow too well. Obviously it will be better once it's finished. I do like the idea of the last poet though, i can imagine you going on to describing how he's in hiding and everyone is after him, yet he is still writing his poetry. Hmmm i can see this poem going far with some work... can't really rate it as it's nowhere near finished. But it is definantly promising. Would like to see it finished...

A crit for my work would be appreciated loads -

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=338240

[PrettyxWeapons]

I agree with Bowl Of Oranges, each individual part seems to be about something a little different (while still pertaining to the same thing) so that the individual pieces don't really fit together. Rethink each part and see if you can get the piece as a whole to convey one solid idea. Keep at it.

[Sloth]

when you said " well I'm still in a stage where I can finish anything" was that a typo... cause that's a nice stage to be in...i'm never in that stage!


Verse 1

The last remaining poet with the top rolled back
Can finally survive the breaking glass I started singing Last Remaining Light by Audioslave for a second. ha..
this isn't amazing.. but it's not bad.


Bridge

You never thought it would come down to this
but did you see what I've become since you've been gone ummm.. rather blunt, but it does the job.


Chorus

Analysis from far away
Can better see
What chokes the day
The poet from the point blank range
can better see
what needs to change I really like this... every part!


Verse 2

the only victim still left in the tragic scene
will never know where the time goes mmm.. a'right


Bridge 2

You can't keep holding onto the rope when you're sliding
Don't you know that the fall is inevitable other than the chorus, this is the strongest part.


Overall--I like your idea going on here.. I love the chorus and the 2nd bridge.. the verses aren't very strong.. This seems to be very empty or unfullfilling... depending on the style of music and dynamics of course.. But i think you should adjust the verses and add more to the song. With a chorus like that, this has a lot of potential..

[IOWNU200]

alright, finished, check it out again, i made some major changes. I will be getting to your pieces soon, I've been really busy lately though

[Corupt2057]

hmm...
I'm gonna have to get back to this one...

[Sloth]

nicely done, love the changes!

[IOWNU200]

I'll give this a bump

[Corupt2057]

i dunno man I like the chorus but this just isn't my taste at all.. so thats all I'm gonna say