please crit, social commentary song

[Brooksman]

(verse)
progress is a burden
we place upon ourselves
self-indulgence is a primal reaction to success
isolational arrogance fuels belligerence
like a child pushing a boulder over a precarious edge

anyone can see that failure is not something that should render pride
but as of late there's no debate a frantic craze has led us into the night

(chorus)
there's always another way to pull it under
than simply letting go

(verse)
progress is an illusion
a plastic abstract dream
a selfish commodity that doesn't mean thing
inconsequential people, with inconsequential thoughts
that fester and blossom into a single blade of grass

for centuries people have envisioned a grandiose landscape of green
but lately as i've seen it they've smothered the seeds with freshly madeconcrete

(chorus)
there's always another way to pull it under
than simply letting go



please crit, good or bad, whatever you want to say. the crit is mutual: crit mine, leave a link to yours and i'll do the same. thank you for your time, always.

[Bonz0 Child]

Bad Stuff:
I don't know... It kind of felt like I was reading the work of a motivational speaker (one who isn't particularly motivational, anyway) at some points, and then at one point a philosopher.

progress is an illusion
a plastic abstract dream
a selfish commodity that doesn't mean thing
inconsequential people, with inconsequential thoughts
that fester and blossom into a single blade of grass
The part in italics really didn't flow for me. I can picture it sounding better with music, but I'm not sure.

Good Stuff:
The bold part of the verse above was nice. I don't exactly get it because I'm dumb like that, but it sounds really meaningful.

for centuries people have envisioned a grandiose landscape of green
but lately as i've seen it they've smothered the seeds with freshly madeconcrete
I liked that part a lot. I think I just feel like it flows really well.

I also liked how you didn't stick to common words. It made the lyrics more interesting to read, and probably, more interesting to listen to.

Overall:
It's hard for me to give numbers, so I'll just have to say that if you just made it a bit smoother and less speech-like, it could be very good.

[bowl of oranges]

It sounds like you just got a bunch of statements and put them line after line. It doesn't feel like a song. Maybe if you adapted it so that the lines flowed into each other a little more it could be good as some of the content is pretty good stuff. As it is though i can't rate it highly. With a little work it could be good...

5/10