Untitled 4 (PART 1)

[TheGreatestView]

Alright, this is a song I'm really excited about. It's a two part song, as you may have gathered from the thread title. I'm thinking about calling it "Leaving the Branch" but I'm not sure. Anyways, critiques and the sort are appreciated and welcome per usual.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PART 1

It’s my sudden fear of not being remembered
That’s making me so aware
Of my absence in other people’s lives
And it’s on this night that I decide
How I’m gonna live my life
And this is probably another phase
That will soon pass and be forgotten
But while it’s here I’m gonna act upon it
Until I return to the unaware state of mind
That’s haunting me tonight

I’m gonna follow the road less traveled
And I’ll surely be alone
Climbing branches that are offering a helping hand
So I can sit on top of the highest tree top
And watch the sun rise
Like the dawning of a new day,
Is symbolic of my life changing

So the future and the past are interchanging every sunrise
And every sunset
While in the present we watch this cycle
And this is recycled
We’re all born again
But with a memory this time
Of what happened the last time
It’s not a movie or a book it’s a life
Not yet documented and not likely to be
And I’m suddenly afraid again

I’ve returned to the fork in the road I forgot to take
And forgot to mention, I climbed the branch to observe instead
This I remember and something else I’ve forgotten
And on this note I’m leaving the branch

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[TheGreatestView]

I knew it was worthless to try and get something positive out of this forum in reaction to my song.

[ABulldog]

Well, there seems to be a little bit of clicheness to this piece, for example, the road less traveled, or the sunset/ sunrise. It has a nice story telling fashion to it, but I don't like it when songs have lines that open up with if's, and's, or but's...etc. It just doesn't sound like good English to me.

Overall, I enjoyed the whole theme/message that is given, but I think it may need a rewrite to give it refinement.

Here's mine.
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=330903

[TheGreatestView]

Thanks for the feedback dude, always appreciated. I'll take a look at your song.

However, I'm not tying to write the next great American novel, I'm merely telling a story, which is a quality you seemed to like. It feels more personal the way I wrote it, but to each his own, and I thank you for the critique.