"Dead People Are So Selfish"

[Disco Dragon]

Mortuary silence singing dreams inside the dead
They’ve got the lungs but not the pulse to tell us what is on their minds

It’s just a shame that bodies have to leave their souls
Boundless in their final gamble
They’re willing to bet the farm
And buy it

Hardly grasping for the words
My voice is raspy
Some might say absurd
But I indulge my tongue
My ego’s swelling large
So is my hard-on to be heard

Offering up eulogies and apologies
To anyone who stops staring at that man in the casket
Turn your focus to me please

Why take the time to grieve amongst the flowers
It makes me sick to smell death in the middle of a fragrant garden

Look into the light
And tell me you’re not being blinded by it
Speak into the microphone
Your voice is getting harder to hear
Oh dear, I fear our lives have finally ended

As the music plays their attention fades
Can we go and pay our sadness somewhere else?
I don’t want to hold this candle anymore
Hopefully he’s not afraid of the dark

But I think I’ll stay for a while
Holding back a smile
They say it’s disrespectful to laugh at a corpse

Look into the light
And tell me you’re not breathing
I’ll tell you you’re not trying hard enough

So wake up and quit your faking
This trickery is so painstaking
It hurts like the knife they said slit your throat
But I think it wound up in my back instead

[Counted Out]

I really like this one. It's not too catchy, but the lyrics have meaning. Maybe some more metaphors would make it more interesting though.

[ABulldog]

uh, yeah....... I just didn't like that indulge my bulge part.


That's all I have to say about that.

Oh, if you want to leave a stupid post on mine then here is a link.
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=330903

i didn't mean to not give you a crit, but this is all that keeps "sticking out" at me.

[Disco Dragon]

Anyone want to offer a serious crit on this one?

[James Van Halen]

The name sucks allmighty ***. But I like the lyrics.

[Sloth]

Anyone want to offer a serious crit on this one? haha.. you're kidding right? that doesn't happen anymore.. what faggots


Mortuary silence singing dreams inside the dead
They’ve got the lungs but not the pulse to tell us what is on their minds I thought this was a very strong start.


It’s just a shame that bodies have to leave their souls
Boundless in their final gamble
They’re willing to bet the farm
And buy it ha.. nice


Hardly grasping for the words
My voice is raspy
Some might say absurd
But I indulge my tongue
My ego’s swelling large
So is my hard-on to be heard I like all of this but the last line


Offering up eulogies and apologies
To anyone who stops staring at that man in the casket
Turn your focus to me please

Why take the time to grieve amongst the flowers
It makes me sick to smell death in the middle of a fragrant garden great.. so far, your couplets are the best parts.


Look into the light
And tell me you’re not being blinded by it
Speak into the microphone
Your voice is getting harder to hear
Oh dear, I fear our lives have finally ended I really like this.. probably your strongest stanza so far


As the music plays their attention fades
Can we go and pay our sadness somewhere else?
I don’t want to hold this candle anymore
Hopefully he’s not afraid of the dark this is an interesting stanza.. i don't know if you wanted this, but it felt like you were saying that everyone is apathetic towards the funeral/death. I like that idea, pretty unique.


But I think I’ll stay for a while
Holding back a smile
They say it’s disrespectful to laugh at a corpse

Look into the light
And tell me you’re not breathing
I’ll tell you you’re not trying hard enough this is really good. I really like the first triplet.


So wake up and quit your faking
This trickery is so painstaking
It hurts like the knife they said slit your throat
But I think it wound up in my back instead hmm.. nice twist.. it doesn't feel to conclude the piece though. I feel like you need one more verse/triplet/couplet...something to conclude this..
other than that, this is pretty good

[Disco Dragon]

Thank you so very much Sloth. I'm glad that someone took the time to offer up a complete crit for me.

I'll work on the conclusion, but I'm just not sure how to do it.