Doublethink

[I Love Fat women]

Here's a song I wrote, please crit it for me. Leave a link to your songs and I'll crit them.


Doublethink

in a world of moral obligation
and wrongfull contemplation
the thought police surrounds us all
each one of us carries the maul
hammering ourselves into conformity
ridding us of our discordance

as logical reasoning fades away
doublethink is made to stay
impregnating our minds
making us go blind
forcing us into fallacious thinking
ridding us of thought criminality

hammered by society
to accept irrationality
we can no longer stand by
whilst we are forced into reason
based on illogical conception
it's time to crush the deception

extreme rationality
to understand reality
Fear no longer
Open your eyes
Nihil is rational
Nihil is the answer
Nihil is the truth

[Bub]

This is great! Great theme, something we can all relate to I think. I like the structure even though there's no (obvious) chorus. I don't understand "nihil",though, whats that mean?
Oh, also I feel the line "hammering ourselves into conformity" doesn't flow, it seems to be bigger than the rest of the lines in that stanza, and so "hammering" seems to be too big. Maybe another metaphor here, describing that metaphor, rather than continuing the same one?
Hell, I know what Im on about anyway....
Good song! The ending is nice and punchy unavoidable straightforward answers as a contrast to your theme.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7633183#post7633183

[I Love Fat women]

This is great! Great theme, something we can all relate to I think. I like the structure even though there's no (obvious) chorus. I don't understand "nihil",though, whats that mean?
Oh, also I feel the line "hammering ourselves into conformity" doesn't flow, it seems to be bigger than the rest of the lines in that stanza, and so "hammering" seems to be too big. Maybe another metaphor here, describing that metaphor, rather than continuing the same one?
Hell, I know what Im on about anyway....
Good song! The ending is nice and punchy unavoidable straightforward answers as a contrast to your theme.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7633183#post7633183

Thanks for the crit. I'll look over that line and see if I can change it. And I'll have a look at your song.

[Steel Sun]

oo original. fantastic

[WhatILivefoR]

in a world of moral obligation
and wrongfull contemplation
the thought police surrounds us all
each one of us carries the maul
hammering ourselves into conformity
ridding us of our discordance

If you are talking about more than one "thought police" then "surrounds" should not be plural. And "wrongful" has one "L".
Now, with grammatical issues out of the way: The word "maul" sounds forced. Other than that, it's pretty good.

as logical reasoning fades away
doublethink is made to stay
impregnating our minds
making us go blind
forcing us into fallacious thinking
ridding us of thought criminality

This is a little odd... Some good thoughts, but it's not very well organized.
And a little thesaurus sounding; what I mean by that is: the vocabulary that you are using sound a little forced- you are letting the words carry you- not the other way around. I think this could be re-written to make more sense and sound better.

hammered by society
to accept irrationality
we can no longer stand by
whilst we are forced into reason
based on illogical conception
it's time to crush the deception

wow you used the word "whilst".
Again, you are letting the one 'big word' per line carry the entire line.
The use of 'conception' and 'deception' so close together doesn't do it for me- seeing as though they have the same root word: making 'conception' too much of perfect antonym to 'deception'. Maybe you could try using another word in the place of one of them? Other then the close antonyms, it's pretty good.

extreme rationality
to understand reality
Fear no longer
Open your eyes
Nihil is rational
Nihil is the answer
Nihil is the truth

I'm sorry, I don't understand what "Nihil" is...
The constrast to the rest of your song (about being angry at forcing beliefs) found in this stanza is interesting: You state that "Nihil is rational/ Nihil is the answer/ etc" in a way, doing exactly what you had been ranting about in the rest of the song.
I suppose that knowing what "Nihil" is might help with understanding what you are saying- but the principle of the contrasting element is still there. Interesting, not perfect, but definitely interesting.
This could use some work- but you have a good thing going. 6/10

my newest is: http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=332266

[I Love Fat women]

To clarify myself, Nihil is latin and it means "nothing". Nihilism, the belief in nothing, is to me atleast (although you'll find a lot of different definitions), extreme rational scrutiny of everything. To not accept anything until it can be rationally and scientifically proven, and then only accepting it as something that is plausible and not definite. It's basically a philosophy which doubts and questions everything, particularly moral and ethical values, religion and what is real.

What I am refering to in the song is all of the values and ideas that are planted in our minds throughout our education and life, that we take for granted and refuse to question, because we've accepted them for so long. Which is where the Orwellian reference comes in, a society which indoctrinates its citizens with beliefs that they're forced to accept simply because they have accepted them for their entire lives and know nothing different.

WhatILiveFoR: Thanks for your crits, I'll work over the language and see what I can change, I'll look into your song also. I won't be able to post anything tonight though, kinda late where I live. I'll post something tomorrow though.

[PunkyMcEmo]

pretty kick butt. 1984s an awesome book. im actually reading it now
i was so happy when i saw a song written about it.

good song too, by the way

[Steel Sun]

awwww