Quietus (working title)

[maggotfelon]

unfinished rough draft metal song.....


reach for the sky
hope the devils' will pass you by
undercover spy
nest inside a human disguise
reach for the sky
pray that heavens' arms save your life
beg for the night to relinquish it's control

the hold on your soul
brought on by your lies
the hole in your whole
leaves you paralyzed
on the road that you chose

to forget it now is to regret yourself
to regret it now is to forget yourself

[maggotfelon]

...

[Separate]

Actually, this is quite good.

[ABulldog]

How come nobody ever posts on our lyrics? I have to practically beg people to read mine. I give out like 50 crits and get maybe 3 or 4 back. I think it is because our stuff may actually be good. I don't think people really understand what we are really trying to say behind our lyrics, so they don't even try. I don't know.

I think this is good. It seems like it may work better as a poem though... only due to the length... oh I see it is unfinished. I think I have an idea for you though. If you have this song almost mainly as an instrumental song, but then have in the background in certain parts, have this being sung with a whisper in the background. So low that it is barely recognizable, You could do it during the chorus, then at the climax of the song... BOOM.... Scream it. Then repeat the last two lines... It's just an idea.

Could you crit mine. I know it lacks imagery and I am going to work on that. I think all I have to do is add to a few lines in the verses to make them seem fuller.
Good Work though...8.5/10...........11/10 if you can make sense of my suggestion and you actually make a cool song out of it.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=330903

[ABulldog]

Sorry for the double post, but I don't know what Quietus really means, but that's why I suggested singing it quitely first. If I had to guess it probably means something that has to do with being laid to rest. Singing it quietly like a dead person from beyond the grave is my suggestion then....

Anyways,
Later

[maggotfelon]

Main Entry: qui·etus
Pronunciation: kwI-'E-t&s, -'A-
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English quietus est, from Medieval Latin, he is quit, formula of discharge from obligation
1 : final settlement (as of a debt)
2 : removal from activity; especially : DEATH
3 : something that quiets or represses


Anyway I'll check your sh.it out in a little bit. I forgot I had this up and noticed by accident. I'll do your sh.it up when I get back from my.... quick couple hour vacation........

THIS IS THE TOWN WHERE THE CLOWNS PUT IT DOWN BABY
:chug: :smoke: :smash: :smash: :smoke: :chug:
CLOSE THE DOOR BEFORE YOUR CHILD HEAR THE SOUND BABY

[maggotfelon]

....

[maggotfelon]

666

[kiros_music]

This is an awesome song, it needs to be way longer though. You have a couple rhymes in there and thats cool so it doesn't sound like the rhymes are forced. Sometimes I find myself doin that, and I agree that people should do more criting in here. Anyways great song (finish it though), make probably a new name because listeners may be confused. I give you 8.5/10. If you finish it I could make it a ten.

Crit me back o man i forgot the link just search my name then and crit my stuff

[punker nicks ska]

yeah pretty good liked the part reach for the sky pray that heavens arms save your life i would like you to put more on what the devils will do to you if they catch you
uhhh 7/10

[Sloth]

so far this is solid.. I have only one complaint. The first stanza was good and rhymed and all that fun stuff, EXCEPT for the last night beg for the night to relinquish it's control it felt like that threw everything off.. maybe look at that again..

nice job so far... i'd like to see the final cut up here when you're done with it

[maggotfelon]

Well I was thinking, all but the last line would be slightly fast then I'd break completely out of the semi-fast rhythm to slow crunching notes, one for each syllable in the last line, and screaming to it. Kind of mixing it up, I don't know though. I might change it.

Thanks for the crtis guys.

[Lowridenn]

I actually do not like this piece. I'm not fond of rhyming the same sound for six lines like the first stanza does. The topic is alright, not really to my tastes, so I have a biased opinion right off the bat. I do however think the last two lines work well.

the hole in your whole

Sounds strange to say.

I have seen much better from you.