Untitled 2

[TheGreatestView]

Here's another song I wrote, and again critiques are welcome and appreciated.

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This recurrence is wearing me down
Drowning me in my bed sheets
I can’t escape it, it’s imminent
I can’t relieve the pain of what I see
A variation on a familiar scene

Contained by bed sheets
Mind takes over matter
Wake up, take cover
And faceless I could hide
Deep within my alibi

Vowed to erase the mark you left, though permanent

It seems I always forget to remember
What I wanted to forget
Day in and day out, nightmare in but never out
I’m sick of you, you’re contagious
But I can’t ever catch you again

Vowed to erase the mark you left, though permanent

Contained by bed sheets
Mind takes over matter
Wake up, take cover
And faceless I could hide
Deep within my alibi

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[thirdeyeblindislit]

Wow, this is one of those songs where it is hard to try to find something wrong with it. First let's start off with what I enjoyed about this song. The flow was very well done. There were no parts that just stopped you right in your tracks. It was solid all the way through. I like the word play in here and the similes were just awsome. This is the kind of song that hits are made of. If I did have to find something wrong with it, that would be the one liners in this song. It seems as though those are your chrous in a way. Those seem to throw me off a little, and you may want to try to add more to those. Lengthin the song out just a little. But all in all nice job and I am very impressed, keep it up and I hope to see more from you. :thumb: 9/10. You can have my THIRDEYE'S VERDICT AWARD :thumb: 4/23/05 for today. And it's my special Birthday Award. :lol: But seriously nice job.

Also please dont forget to vote in the S&L Hall of Fame. Thanks. :chug:

[Liquid Fantasy]

your song is amazing. my favorite line is ''it seems i always forget to remeber what i wanted to forget''. i can't think of something that should be changed.great song
8.5/10

[TheGreatestView]

Oh wow thanks guys, the award! I'll definately be voting in that Hall of Fame business. Again, I really appreciate the good word you give me.