At M. Dimler

[RollerQueen]

This is not one of my best, but that image in those first two lines has been stuck with me for weeks now, and I had to give it a home somewhere. It is partially a response to a poem that a friend of mine wrote after we went to the college that he is going to do a graduate studies program at. It is also four in the morning as I finish this. Expect this to change.


At M. Dimler


A candelabra flickers on
The chartreuse jaundice of your face
In this grainy photograph
(I blame it on the filament).
To the still life's credit,
Your eyes brighten to amber
In the fake, yellow light,
Providing companionship in this insomniac hour
I lie in this bed
That we shared in conversation,
Never lust, never lost
In adolescent temptation.

Was it so long ago
You shook the snow from your hair
And playfully onto my sleep-swollen cheeks,
The forming droplets, your arctic kiss?
I'd watch as they'd slide down, catch your feet,
And fall into our clandestine evening.

Oh, the warmth of the silver-
Exposed eyes pressed to paper
That adorns my bedside
This still night will suffice.
With cold flushed from bone,
I can rest before sunrise.
What dreams passed through this time
Will not escape me come the morning.

But maybe that's it:
Those of us who understand
That we are put here to die
Are as such put here to comfort
Those in the same position.
What greater honor is there than that?
We are our despair and their hope.

[sexy_mexican_man]

im not really any good at anything involving lyrics, but from a consumers point of view it seems allrite. im not a fan of empty lyrics and these, well.. theyre not empty.

[RollerQueen]

Ummmm thanks!

[metaliq]

f yea

[RollerQueen]

I'm leaving mx. Bye, everyone.

[morrissey]

I'm leaving mx. Bye, everyone.
:'(

Come back eventually.

p.s. awesome song as always. Yes I am unhelpful but that's life.

[metaliq]

If you still want a crit, let me know.

:)

[Sloth]

I'm leaving mx. Bye, everyone. yeah... good choice

[kevbud187]

Holy shi't dude u can write **** good lyrics. Beautiful Imagery

[metaliq]

"A candelabra flickers on
The chartreuse jaundice of your face"
---I know you intentions are not to be overly wordy, but you did that here. It is beautiful, just not as singable... too many sylables.

"In this grainy photograph
(I blame it on the filament)."
---I seriously LOVED this part. Dont ask why, it was just amazing.

"To the still life's credit,
Your eyes brighten to amber
In the fake, yellow light,
Providing companionship in this insomniac hour
I lie in this bed
That we shared in conversation,
Never lust, never lost
In adolescent temptation."
---I seriously cant find fault here.... hmm.... maybe the use of amber. Yea, that seems out of place, not for its meaning, just for the sake of flow. If it were to have a better word that fit the atmosphere of the rest of the song, it would have fit much better.

"Was it so long ago
You shook the snow from your hair
And playfully onto my sleep-swollen cheeks,
The forming droplets, your arctic kiss?
I'd watch as they'd slide down, catch your feet,
And fall into our clandestine evening."
---Hmm, was not very fond of this. Arctic kiss was good, but I did not like the reference to feet. Yea, that is about it for this part...


"Oh, the warmth of the silver-
Exposed eyes pressed to paper
That adorns my bedside
This still night will suffice.
With cold flushed from bone,
I can rest before sunrise.
What dreams passed through this time
Will not escape me come the morning."
---I did not understand the first two lines... but the rest was good. I really dont have much to comment on here because you are a gooder at englisher then me.

"But maybe that's it:
Those of us who understand
That we are put here to die
Are as such put here to comfort
Those in the same position.
What greater honor is there than that?
We are our despair and their hope."
---I really really liked this. It wrapped everything up in a sense and just finished if off nicely. Only reccomendation would be to change despair. You can do better than that word.

Overall, peachie keen home-ie. I may have to get to your other song at a later time, haha. :)