PDA

View Full Version : Issues/Shattered Faith


DeadReligion
04-10-2005, 05:32 PM
The song is called Issues/Shattered Faith, please, don't bitch if u can't understand a word or two in it, and second, if ur going to say its bad, give me constructive criticism, and not a whiny retard, and third, if you don't like punk rock, don't comment at all...

Issues/Shattered Faith

(Verse 1)
The forest is burning
The children are yearning
Resources being wasted
Everyone’s blood is being shed!
Animals going extinct,
This world is on the brink
If you die, we won’t miss you
We don’t have a tissue, to wipe your tears,
Environment destruction is not a human issue!
(Verse 1 end)

(Verse 2)
Issues of mental retardation,
Aren’t a vocation, for us,
To help, the infected,
We don’t feel its our duty,
To help people,
Who can’t even think straight
Especially since, we haven’t learned it ourselves
(Verse 2 end)

(Verse 3)
You make speeches, and try
To sound cogent and rational,
While the country is starting to shatter,
Like a window, getting rained on by hail
The glass gives in, to the pressure,
Of the heavy frozen rain,
Like our society, that is balancing,
On a tightrope of pain
Like a train, on the verge of derailing
Will anything remain, except
An urban wasteland, from nuclear war?
Will everyone get struck by America’s Black Hand,
That is made of the liquid that it seeks?
(Verse 3 end)

(Verse 4)
Poor people living on street,
With nothing but orange peels to eat,
While we fix the rest of the world,
Iraq, oil, here we come, Operation Salvation!
The superior officers are at, the military station, while,
Guards beat the prisoners for information,
About terrorists, half of them know,
Don’t exist!
(Verse 4 end)

(Verse 5)
Your materialistic views,
Greed is what they ooze,
You are all fools, if you think,
A computer will save you,
From the doomsday, that you,
Created yourself, all your possessions
Will come back to bite,
This tunnel does not
Have an end, filled with light
It will end with a fight,
We won’t go out with a bang,
Except the bang of a million,
Nuclear explosions, simultaneous,
Nothing will be left, on what was once,
A beautiful planet, you took it all for granted,
And like everything you take for granted, you lost it
(Verse 5 end)

(Verse 6)
Well I look around, and I see,
Rapists, and pedophiles, walking the streets,
Murderers, terrorists, who remain without defeat
As a child, I saw beauty in this world,
I had faith, in society, in propriety,
My fragile, glass-like child mind,
was shattered with the bat of reality,
Shattered Faith!
Shattered Faith! (Repeat while fade out)
(Verse 6 end)

boyhendoghdy
04-10-2005, 07:59 PM
well, being a left side liberal myself, i look on life kind of how you do, you hear people say we are the best country in the world, but thats bull, we have just as much or more crime and racism in our country as in any other country, but yeah, the songs alright, its nice to hear a song about the world that doesn't include anything about bush (even if he is the worst thing to happen to the whitehouse since his father) 6.5/10 (sorry, could get myslef to give you a 7)

DeadReligion
04-10-2005, 08:09 PM
its cool...least you arent some emo prick totally trashing it, cuz i dont bitch about girlfriends enough...lol

ToxicFerret5489
04-10-2005, 08:12 PM
The forest is burning
The children are yearning
Resources being wasted
Everyone’s blood is being shed!
Animals going extinct,
This world is on the brink
If you die, we won’t miss you
We don’t have a tissue, to wipe your tears,
Environment destruction is not a human issue!

Tears/issue does not rhyme. Even if tissue is earlier in that line I doubt it'll sound too teriffic. It throws off the very simple rhyme scheme you have going.

Issues of mental retardation,
Aren’t a vocation, for us,
To help, the infected,
We don’t feel its our duty,
To help people,
Who can’t even think straight
Especially since, we haven’t learned it ourselves

You havent learned what exactly yourself? Be more specific if you want to get your message across.

You make speeches, and try
To sound cogent and rational,
While the country is starting to shatter,
Like a window, getting rained on by hail
The glass gives in, to the pressure,
Of the heavy frozen rain,
Like our society, that is balancing,
On a tightrope of pain
Like a train, on the verge of derailing
Will anything remain, except
An urban wasteland, from nuclear war?
Will everyone get struck by America’s Black Hand,
That is made of the liquid that it seeks?

You mention rained, and then follow with rain. Don't repeat. You can think of another way to describe hail besides heavy frozen rain. An urban wasteland remaining from nuclear war? I think the frightening aspect of nuclear war is that nothing remains. The last line is incredibly awkward.

Your materialistic views,
Greed is what they ooze,
You are all fools, if you think,
A computer will save you,
From the doomsday, that you,
Created yourself, all your possessions
Will come back to bite,
This tunnel does not
Have an end, filled with light
It will end with a fight,
We won’t go out with a bang,
Except the bang of a million,
Nuclear explosions, simultaneous,
Nothing will be left, on what was once,
A beautiful planet, you took it all for granted,
And like everything you take for granted, you lost it

Awful. You follow you with another line ending in you. Don't rhyme words with themselves. This stanza is scattered, you don't focus on anything in particular. You cannot say we'll go out without a bang, except for a bang. It makes no sense.

Well I look around, and I see,
Rapists, and pedophiles, walking the streets,
Murderers, terrorists, who remain without defeat
As a child, I saw beauty in this world,
I had faith, in society, in propriety,
My fragile, glass-like child mind,
was shattered with the bat of reality,
Shattered Faith!
Shattered Faith! (Repeat while fade out)

Glass-like child mind? It'd be childish mind, I dont know about the glass part. AS near as I can figure it'd work best as 'My fragile childish mind was shattered with the bat of reality like glass' That doesnt rhyme of course, but aside from a few half-rhymes in the lines themselves, nothing in this stanza does, so that's okay. Nice imagery however, the bat of reality and such.

So I think this song sucks. It's not particularly well-written. You took an issue plenty of punk bands sing about, and wrote about it, except that you didn't really bring anything new to the idea. Propaghandi writes about the same sort of topics, but they do it in a much more creative way. Learn how to use metaphors and similes and write something creative. Punk's about being original right? This isnt.