Rapture tell me what you think seven sorrows first song

[espf-250htd06]

Rapture

Verse 1
another death
another day
another life
taken from me

my only love
lies in the grave
blood on the knife
now she's your slave

chorus
Seek the truth for it is unknown
Delegate the power of man

Obliterate all that is left
Take the soul that I could not have

The life that slipped through my hands
I’ll do my best to rapture your soul

Verse II
Cut through the rope
cut through the vain
Asking the lord
take all our pain

Denied request
Her life I gave
Forgive my sins
Embrace the slave

chorus
Seek the truth for it is unknown
Delegate the power of man

Obliterate all that is left
Take the soul that I could not have

The life that slipped through my hands
I’ll do my best to rapture your soul

ILL RAPTURE YOUR SOUL!!!!


i think that is it all the way through the chorus is real slow the rest of it is scremed but were you can understand it idk kinda lamb of god screaming or somthing. i know theres already a song or maybe more than one song called rapture but this is diffrent from the one ive saw tell me what you think

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

I'll rapture your soul? Do you mean rupture?

[espf-250htd06]

rapture it means to transport
to heaven in most cases
but just transport

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

Rapture is a noun, you used it as a verb.

[espf-250htd06]

lol
oops
hell guess ill have to re do it thanks

[Thejorgp]

What kind of message are you trying to portray with this song? Just wondering...Not trying to be mean.

[KCsilvertone]

I am also absolutely confused by what the message in this one is supposed to be...The whole song was great, but if people don't get a clear idea of what it is really about, they might not enjoy it as much...

Overall, good writing, but I am left stupified by what the subject of the piece is...Clear up your main idea and this could really become something good...I also like the setup: Verse I, chorus, Verse II, Chorus...It seems like so many good songs are ruined because the writer has some crazy order to the song...you caught on to the main idea or songwriting...I am so proud of you *tear*...

plz crit if you will:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=325727

[Corupt2057]

I understand what you mean although you took rapture out of context this song actually sucks until it gets to the 2nd verse then it got better it just really rocked then and wasn't forced just dynamite other than that your need to totally redo the 1st verse re-work the chorus and check your context

[espf-250htd06]

thanks for all the input ill try to get a new chorus up when i get some time