Poem written....

[Aukai]

Existence, incompacitated by the harmless and the bengin,
Unknown countenances and personailties taken by the Grim Reaper of Time,
Thousands of men with that human disposition in mind,
"Sit down, relax, chill, unwind."

Sitting and waiting, do you have to ask?
Will you be another to pass your genes into the mass?

If you had one day, how much sowing would you reap?
If you had one hour, how much greatness would you seek?

Reaching up and out,
For the brightest hopes and wildest dreams,
please,
Please,
PLEASE,
Do not waste the Gift given to thee.

The time is Now.

Why are you still standing there?

[Biancazzurri]

I like the rhymed mini stanzas which are between the unrhymed and good flawed stnzas, original and cool.
This lines are simply cool!!:
If you had one day, how much sowing would you reap?
If you had one hour, how much greatness would you seek?

The child is sitting, so:
Why are you still standing there?
Should be Why are you still sitting there?

Crit mine please:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=325729

[Aukai]

The child is sitting, so:
Why are you still standing there?
Should be Why are you still sitting there?


Thanks for pointing that out, it skipped me completely :P



Crit mine please:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=325729

I love the images that came to mind. If it wasn't for your hinting later on I probably would have been there for hours trying to decipher it all. I still am alittle confused about air so I keep on reading :). Over all I think your better at this than I am, my images seemed more obvious than yours.

[Biancazzurri]

I jave obvious images too... I simply love confusing people :) and I don't put on paper simple ideas. There is no better writer, the idea is the point and how you interpret it, think good before you write or after also. Thanks for crit.

[Aukai]

Welcome sir, boy these forums are friendly :)