How I Feel

[black_sheepd]

This is a song my friend, (user name: topsyde), wrote.

I'm drifting away
Falling farther from happiness
It's safe to say
I'm being filled with emptiness

I'm stuck so deep inside my mind
I seek the words I've lost can't find
I see you walk away and I
Cry

If you would look into my eyes
You'd see just how I feel
You'd see the pain is real
You wouldn't turn away
You'd stay

Do I even care
Are you worth putting up a fight
Would you be there
Through empty days and dark nights

I guess I'm leaving you behind
To lift the burden from my mind
You see me walk away while I
Cry

If you would look into my eyes
You'd see just how I feel
You'd see the pain is real
I wouldn't walk away
I'd stay

[SpecialBoy]

I smell an emo fiend.

Well done :thumb:

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

Ugh, sucks too bad to even try and help.

[Aukai]

I felt it was kind of simple.

[Biancazzurri]

Perfect Sonnet you are an *******, and you can push your "perfect" songwriting right into your ***.
Don't crit because I'm tired.

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

*Temper tantrum*

I'll be waiting for your apology.

[Biancazzurri]

You won't get it fag

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

Could you be any more of a whiner?

[SelfTiTled Failure]

I like it

[Thejorgp]

It's too corny and girly. You gotta add some stuff that makes no sense into it, but not that much just a bit so the song doesn't lose its overall idea. Think about it, famous rock bands write something on one line and then on the next one they add something completely different.

[KCsilvertone]

Let me just say...

DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL

This piece reminds me of the whining emo like things that DC comes up with...you should go punch out thier pansy singer and take his place...you my friend, are the new master of whine-o(also known as emo)...

good structure and all, although it reminds me of so many other pieces (songs, poems) on this site...at least i get the main idea (message)

plz crit if you will:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=325727

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

Let me just say...

DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL

This piece reminds me of the whining emo like things that DC comes up with...you should go punch out thier pansy singer and take his place...you my friend, are the new master of whine-o(also known as emo)...

good structure and all, although it reminds me of so many other pieces (songs, poems) on this site...at least i get the main idea (message)

plz crit if you will:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=325727

I would try and seperate whine-o and emo, because they are two completely different things.

[rockerofnevada]

This is a song my friend wrote.

I'm drifting away
Falling farther from happiness
It's safe to say
I'm being filled with emptiness

I'm stuck so deep inside my mind
I seek the words I've lost can't find
I see you walk away and I
Cry

If you would look into my eyes
You'd see just how I feel
You'd see the pain is real
You wouldn't turn away
You'd stay

Do I even care
Are you worth putting up a fight
Would you be there
Through empty days and dark nights

I guess I'm leaving you behind
To lift the burden from my mind
You see me walk away while I
Cry

If you would look into my eyes
You'd see just how I feel
You'd see the pain is real
I wouldn't walk away
I'd stay


not the best i've read but i think it's good(don't get upset about my comment it's just that you have to look at it positively and negatively to properly criticize it)

[onion540]

jesus. cut the guy some slak there quite good and any way it all depends on how hes singing it
... and proof you dont need good lyrics 2 do well in a band... rhcp however much they suck theyve got sumwere by writin random stuff n just singing it

[Havelock]

It has good structure and quite good content in places, but it is kinda cliched.

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

jesus. cut the guy some slak there quite good and any way it all depends on how hes singing it
... and proof you dont need good lyrics 2 do well in a band... rhcp however much they suck theyve got sumwere by writin random stuff n just singing it

I always thought that the RHCP lyrics/music was pretty good... guess I'm an idiot.