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[sherbondy]

I'm the guy who can make you laugh
Take your grief and give you happiness
but inside you can't tell
inside my brain is a living hell
you come to me when you feel sad
i tell you it's not that bad
but the facade behind which i hide
no one can tell where my pain hides
you come and go but you never stay
all alone am i to remain
sometimes i dream that you will see
the hurting pain and set it free
you never see me fall apart
every time you break my heart
i can't explain the pain i feel
but to have it seems so sureal
i just wish that some day you will see
the lonely part and set me free

well here is one of my own tell me what you think

[KCsilvertone]

This makes 6 in a row i liked...I am rather confused as to why some couplets (two lines in a row) rhyme, and some don't....Try and find rhymes for the couplets that dont rhyme, and this will be a GREAT one...

"Sometimes I dream that you will see
the hurting pain and set it free..."

this is a great couplet, maybe try changing hurting to burning or something though, cause "hurting pain" just doesnt roll off the tongue right...

plz crit if you will:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=325727