"Close to you"

[BassMan182]

__
if you got me
in a room dunno what i'd do
you turn me on
like no-one ever could do
your eyes, a cliche
could light a night-time sky
like a comet
so fast you pass me by

the ways of a lover
the sting of a bee
you cause the ripples inside me like an old enemy
the trust of a brother
as deep as the sea
you make me get up
there's always something to see

the sky falls in
you're left and i'm in your hands
control or lack of
could never meet your demands
look up, look down
your smile turns to a frown
you spin my head
find myself keep going round
__
cheers!

[peaveyrules]

Sounds like a pop punk radio friendly hit...which isn't necessarily a bad thing. The best part I thought was "the sky falls in; you're left and I'm in your hands. Control or lack of could never meet your demands". Rhyming is a tid bit iffy as well...

[BassMan182]

thanks, it's nothing like pop punk though :)

[KCsilvertone]

I like it, very simple, yet very effective...doesnt seem to be too complicated for people like me to understand.... i especially liked the "the ways of a lover; the sting of a bee" line, that proved to be very effective to me...like your writing, keep up the good work....

-K.C.

please crit:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=325727

[BassMan182]

thanks man. anybody else?