Your worst nightmare

[streetpunx87]

A girl in dressed in black sporting bondage with leather studded braclets hangin from her wrist to hide the scars the tattoo cover her arms.Your mother said that girl she'll make you into a monster son .He shakes his head with a smirk and walks out the door "she'll be a great nightmare for me" he says to himself. They meet in an alleyway with innocent stares they sit for awhile she left her home because her father was a bastard a classic run away story .

(bridge break in space)

she looks at his blues eyes look back at her brown ones she grabs his hand and says "all be your worst nightmare but for you that's good for you so let's live like sid & nancy and die in tradgey".

(chrous 4th line of beinging of the song)

The two lovers liked the sound of that but thinks quickly went sour a nightmare a murder .He cries as he walks down the hallway in a drug hazed state. He shakes his head and says "it isn't true it can't be" he thought this was truly his nightmare he thought back when they made that pack to live fast and die pretty.

(chrous 2nd paragraph where it stars all be you worst nightmare)


The ink didn't even dry on her deathcertifcate and he killed himself a day later. The cause is unknown a broken heart sincerly, your worst nightmare

~copyright2005~

[Electric Riley]

It's called a fullstop. Period if you're American.

[streetpunx87]

I am american but do u think it's good ?

[Corupt2057]

you need to let everyone here know where you want the stops at because all we know how to do is read it as run-ons unless you make it stop so fix it up and I'm sure you'll get plenty of crits

I read over it and this sounds good you got alot of good ideas in here but like I said before you still needs to make some periods and fix all your spelling and grammatical errors

[streetpunx87]

ok i tend to write and no do very well on the grammer . Maybe someone could help me out .

[streetpunx87]

I fixed it

[El_Goodo]

A girl in dressed in black sporting bondage with leather studded braclets hangin from her wrist to hide the scars the tattoo cover her arms.Your mother said that girl she'll make you into a monster son .He shakes his head with a smirk and walks out the door "she'll be a great nightmare for me" he says to himself. They meet in an alleyway with innocent stares they sit for awhile she left her home because her father was a bastard a classic run away story .

(bridge break in space)

she looks at his blues eyes look back at her brown ones she grabs his hand and says "all be your worst nightmare but for you that's good for you so let's live like sid & nancy and die in tradgey".

(chrous 4th line of beinging of the song)

The two lovers liked the sound of that but thinks quickly went sour a nightmare a murder .He cries as he walks down the hallway in a drug hazed state. He shakes his head and says "it isn't true it can't be" he thought this was truly his nightmare he thought back when they made that pack to live fast and die pretty.

(chrous 2nd paragraph where it stars all be you worst nightmare)


The ink didn't even dry on her deathcertifcate and he killed himself a day later. The cause is unknown a broken heart sincerly, your worst nightmare

~copyright2005~

Thats not a song... It's a story. Nothing seems like it would flow...you'd have to be very good to pull it off as a song.

[Daven]

put it as a song

[white_riot]

I think it was ok but i agree that it does sound more like a story. you should rewrite it make it sound more like a song and post it.

[streetpunx87]

ok then.