Food for Thought

[spankyone]

Here's a little something I put together. I really don't have a title, so some suggestios for that would be cool. Please give a good critique and be blantely honest. Thanks.



Verse:

If my memory serves me right, I remember seeing you in the heat of the moment
Said what I had to say, or at least I though so
I retreated into the night, till the light became unlit
And my head began to hang so low

Chorus:

Maybe this was the better of the two
Maybe this is all that remains true
Who can tell me you'll still be there
How will I know if you still care
Give me some food for thought
Cause it's all that I've got

Verse:

Simple task, where did you go, leaving me with the dust in the air
Raise your glass, toast it to the lighting in the sky
Show your face to me and in this empty room lay down the chair
So I can sit and began to understand why

Chorus:

Maybe this was the better of the two
Maybe this is all that remains true
Who can tell me you'll still be there
How will I know if you still care
Give me some food for thought
Cause it's all I got

Bridge:

Spread your lips, release your tongue
Show me all that I've become
I'll be getting the better of this deal
Soon these wounds will began to heal

[iAi licks balls]

Crap

[caught_on_chaos]

there's some good idea's in there scattered aruond in there but they lack structure. There isn't much rythem to it that i can make out. you seem to have the right i dea but try let you're writing flow more, get into a rythem :thumb:

[white_riot]

I didn't really like the versus to much but i liked the chorus. The second verse was alot better than the first, i think you should think about it more and rewrite it. 6/10