Pictures Of Paradise , please i need critic

[Txus]

Personal power shall ever be mine
My soul is eye and eye is my mind
Evenity has never existed
You simply want to have it

The only solution's the struggle against my aims
And struggling without aim is weak
Or so it is written

Profusion I love

Thy will - shall be your end
Replace - replace the truth
Become yourself - in a land
Where no one dares to take command

Pictures of paradise were made to demise
Ideas faded away as roses lost their pedals

A human to be...
There's for sure no sense to see
Is this the reason for me
That I always want to flee

Walking in vain...
Beeing insane, trapped in mental chain
Starting to feed your own pain

Confusion I love

My god has sent some light
To destroy all their sight
That's the war I do fight
So my might is burning bright

Pictures of paradise are made to demise
Ideas fade away as roses lost their pedals

People that weep, want them to bleed
Just to feed my inner need

Rape, maim, kill, flowers of no will

Thy will - shall be your end
Replace - replace the truth
Become yourself - in a land
Where no one dares to take your hand

[Txus]

Anyone ?? please???

[Fatal-Division]

It was fairly decent, some fo the rhymes in the beggening and end seem somewhat forced though the

My soul is eye and eye is my mind

needs some clarfication...I almost positive I know what your saying ...but there are other ways to say it

basically I would work a bit more on your choice of words...good message and good composition overall...just so you know..(and I think you already do) you focused almost primarily on end rhyme, keep it up!

[Electric Riley]

Also "evenity" is not a real word. Don't quote me on that, I'm not actually sure. Its just a hunch. Anyway, change it to "Equality".

You've got a good freestyle rhyme pattern going on here. I think your ideas need to be linked better, and some need more clarification. You also have quite a few sentence construction mishaps, but maybe that's the effect you're going for. Its a very gloomy piece, so Pictures of Paradise is an odd name. But, I don't know, i like it.

7.5/10

Please crit mine if you have time... hey that rhymes. Its called "Universal Factor"