Love Is Your Whore

[BlacklightGuitarist]

I don't write too many acoustic songs, but as my muse would have it, today, I was overcome and wrote the following acoustic song. Not sure about the name yet - comments? I thought perhaps "Cracks"...

Love Is Your Whore
Andy Thomas

You're tied to the mast,
You grew up too fast,
You wish you were anywhere but home.

There's a storm in your head,
Though they said it won't last,
You're tied to the mast, and we won't make it home.

And you're racing against time to find out what this,
Life's about, and is it worth fighting for,
You're reaching for something, don't know what,
You don't know why, but you can,
Tell someone is listening to you cry,
When you're alone.

You're screaming for more,
Like thunder in war,
You're out of control, you're out of control.

Spitting out what you're fed,
Bleeding red on the floor,
And love is your whore, and it's taken your soul
(and it's taken it's toll - alternative)

Feel the icy fingers of the shiver,
Wander slowly down your spine,
As flame crawls across the paper,
And makes way for passing time,
Floating down a restless river,
Reminisce a wasted life,
And let every note now linger,
It's the journey that we live for.

[Electric Riley]

There's an unspoken rule: One song a day. Looks good, though.

[BlacklightGuitarist]

My apologies. I live in New Zealand. A new day clocked over between "Where We Met" and this one.

[Electric Riley]

Sorry. I'm going to bed now. Why aren't you?

Its 11:20 here in sunny Brisbane. G'night.

PS: Baaah

[caught_on_chaos]

i love this, great theme, beautifully written. pleeeeaaase dont change the name i love it! id really like to hear the music to it too. keep writin :thumb:

[Electric Riley]

Okay, a serious crit, like I promised. But if I ever get round to posting another song, I want you to crit it.

You're tied to the mast,
You grew up too fast,
You wish you were anywhere but home.

Eggcellent (easter's getting to me) beginning. Imediately I liked the layout of the piece. It doesn't flow in a traditional sense, but it flows in its own way. No complaints here. Simple but effective.

There's a storm in your head,
Though they said it won't last,
You're tied to the mast, and we won't make it home.

Hmm... The first 2 lines are fine. I can see what you're trying to do with the last line, but its a bit repetitive. Not quite as good as the first verse.

And you're racing against time to find out what this,
Life's about, and is it worth fighting for,
You're reaching for something, don't know what,
You don't know why, but you can,
Tell someone is listening to you cry,
When you're alone.

Chorus. I love it. I don't know why. The layout is all over the place, it barely flows at all. But its uplifting. I can imagine it being sung, so all those commas and different length lines mean nothing. Its quite simple, no big words, but it fits.

You're screaming for more,
Like thunder in war,
You're out of control, you're out of control.

Uh oh! What happened here? This is not your best work. It seems the last lines in each stanza get more and more repetitive. Thunder in war? I don't like it. I do like the first line though. Its very strong, and paints a mental image.

Spitting out what you're fed,
Bleeding red on the floor,
And love is your whore, and it's taken your soul
(and it's taken it's toll - alternative)

Haha. Here we go. This is fantastic. I love the way you've purposely structured the second line so it doesn't rhyme with the first, but does rhyme with the last. I think "its taken its toll" is better. "its taken your soul" sounds a bit... I don't know... try hard.

Feel the icy fingers of the shiver,
Wander slowly down your spine,
As flame crawls across the paper,
And makes way for passing time,
Floating down a restless river,
Reminisce a wasted life,
And let every note now linger,
It's the journey that we live for.

When I read this I was singing it. I don't know why. It starts off almost cliché, but it fits beautifully. The last line sounds SO meaningful. I love this. Write more of this.

Overall. Not as good as "where we met" I think, but some parts of this are amazing. Fix up that third verse. 8.5/10

[BlacklightGuitarist]

bump.