Where We Met

[BlacklightGuitarist]

This song was inspired by a drawing. I went on holiday with a big group of people I didn't know that well, and while they were cool and all, I preferred hanging out with this quiet guy called Ryan, who was drawing this amazing picture. Underneath it was written "Where We Met," and something about that inspired me...

Where We Met
Andy Thomas

He draws pictures to forget,
Salt on wounds to cleanse regret,
The tears you cried, the blood you bled,
The cross that marks the place we met.

She thinks of him to remind,
Her how it felt to feel alive,
She'll never know the road he led,
Tears that graced the place we met.

Where we met,
Where we led the life we now forget,
Where a better life seemed not so far away,
But beauty dies and colours fade.

They carry on always the same,
Say it's the dream that keeps them sane,
Martyr for eternal sunset,
Bliss and remorse remains where we met.

He can repaint one memory,
She can nail pain to a tree,
Ne'er cross paths, ne'er content,
The love we left is the place we met.

Chorus

Instrumental

OUTRO:
And yeah, I see your flag,
Trampled underfoot,
Torn and lying there,
And you're naked in the dark,
Underneath your burnt out star,
In these epic days of fear,
Where we met, there is hope.

[Electric Riley]

Holy guacamole, Batman! This is fabtastic. The flow is just... Oh... So good. The only thing that brings it down a little is the chorus. This poem/song just doesn't need a chorus. Its good, but it doesn't fit.

The outro, however is awesome, and fits. I love the way you put "the place we met" at the and of each stanza. This is truely a beautiful peice. Sir, you have my respect.

10/10 for all aspects but... 8/10 for chorus, just because it doesn't fit.

Now, if you have time, crit mine. Its called "Universal Factor".

[BlacklightGuitarist]

Many thanks... My ego is stroked. The chorus is a bit of a tricky one, and I might change it yet, but so far, it's actually sounded pretty good when I've played it. But it does APPEAR to stick out like a sore thumb. Shall crit yours right away.

[the_cure]

Holy guacamole, Batman! This is fabtastic. The flow is just... Oh... So good. The only thing that brings it down a little is the chorus. This poem/song just doesn't need a chorus. Its good, but it doesn't fit.

The outro, however is awesome, and fits. I love the way you put "the place we met" at the and of each stanza. This is truely a beautiful peice. Sir, you have my respect.

10/10 for all aspects but... 8/10 for chorus, just because it doesn't fit.

Now, if you have time, crit mine. Its called "Universal Factor".
i agree entirely, except i liked the chorus.
11/10

[deadreign 2]

wow. i reallly like it. It is very well written. And i love the phrase "Where We Met" and how it is used throughout the verses.

And yeah, I see your flag,
Trampled underfoot,
Torn and lying there,
And you're naked in the dark,
Underneath your burnt out star,
In these epic days of fear,
Where we met, there is hope.

This part is beautiful. It fits so so well with the preceding verses. It gives the song/poem a dramatic close.

overall, nice job. I look forward to reading more material from you. 8.5/10

[JessTheDrummer]

*Whistles*. I haven't critted a song for months, and this is the best to come back to. The swing and flow of this is just amazing. Its so nice to see that you keep coming up with new topics instead of the same old stream other song-writers fall into. Your first section, including the chorus, was the best. It painted vivid imagery and rose emotion. Bravo. There's nothing I can find to scrap in your piece, so until next-time.. 9/10.

[Sloth]

yeah.. this is the Blacklight I remember..
I won't go into details, I can't really... but it's littered with good lines.

Where we led the life we now forget.. .. ..Underneath your burnt out star those were my favorite lines..

props Andy.. props..

[white_riot]

And yeah, I see your flag,
Trampled underfoot,
Torn and lying there,
And you're naked in the dark,
Underneath your burnt out star,
In these epic days of fear,
Where we met, there is hope.

i really liked this part. nice work i thought it was well written, i liked your chorus also. 8/10

[caught_on_chaos]

wow, what can i say that hasn't already been said. genius, amazing flow and really beautiful feeling to this piece, id love to hear the music to it. i especially like the 1st verse, it rolls of the tongue brilliantly, and that excellent outro credit where it's due you should be proud of that :thumb:

[BlacklightGuitarist]

Thanks... I'm surprised - I wouldn't have ranked it among my better stuff.

[RollerQueen]

Kudos for the flow. I'm notoriously harsh on rhyme schemes, so you lose some points for having one and for it using simple end-rhymes. Again, though, the flow is great. The bulk of the piece is somewhat standard fare, if not more than a little bit better than the usual, but you really cap things off nicely with the outro. To your credit, your preface and piece itself reminded me of a field trip in 5th grade. We went to a canal museum and walked the outskirts of the trail. There was a painter painting the landscape, and my friends were trying to kill these tiny red bugs that were really too small to catch with a shoe...

Anyway, I'd bulk up on the chorus imagery and either temper the verses or lengthen as to ensure that they stay trenchant. The outro definitely makes this piece better.

[BlacklightGuitarist]

bump.

[Daven]

great song dude. at the beginning i thought it was a love song by the title. overall
9/10 but i didnt like the outro too much

[WaitingForSomething]

good GOOD flow in this song, the chorus was alright, not that bad, but you said you would reword it so im sure after you do that it will be great, the outro is good, but your verses are perfect, good job!

[hurting]

great flow, good song, great choice of words chorus lets it down al little