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i_need_therapy_17
03-24-2005, 03:46 PM
just another song i wrote....tell me what you think...if you want yours crited back just tell me or leave a link

"pills or pain"

Verse 1:

these pills are like a gormet food
begging please eat me
i tryed to quit
but its so hard
i need therapy
so dont point your finger
dont put me down
don't make it seem easy
just take me away to that special place
the one where i am free

Chorus:

all of this pills
takes away my pain
but f***s with my head
and drives me insane
will i ever get out of this
or will i die in vain
when it comes down to choose
i know ill lose
because the choices are pills or pain

Verse 2:

my body is a pharmacy
stocked with pills inside
but i can only hold so many
and the pharmancy dont die
i cant seem to find another hobby
that makes me so happy
so take me away to that special place
the one where i am free

Verse 3:

this pills are just an ocean
but i dont know how to swim
my mind is in first place
but yet i still cant win
cause this pains got ahold of me
and pills are all i see
so take me away to that speical place
the one where i am free
white_riot
03-24-2005, 03:57 PM
I really liked the chorus, i thought that was really good and verse three was really good to. verse one and verse two were ok. Nice job. 7/10
AgrimXXXX
03-24-2005, 04:21 PM
It wasn't bad. I can relate to addictions. I really liked "My body's a pharmacy..."

I give it a 6/10
Noku
03-24-2005, 04:34 PM
That was actually pretty nice. A bit stronger structure and a better flow and it would be great.
livinginherletters4001
03-24-2005, 04:47 PM
You've gotten some good crit...but I didn't really like it. Only for the simple fact I've never been addicted to drugs or anything like that. The verses need more work It kinda sounds like a 2nd grader wrote them. But songs are all ways better with music so I won't say it's complety horrible. And It also sounds like your a new writter...I'm a new writter so I know what people say about it. All in all 4/10 but I could be wrong.

Could you crit "If It's Ment To Be"
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=318901