My Martyr - a poem

[deadreign 2]

My Martyr

I have been on a mission to alter the inevitable
so that I don’t have to die from the paralyzing shard of regret
I have made a cause to stop this invisible cancer
so that they don’t have to suffer like the horrible martyr in me
I have been searching for a working time machine
so that I could go back to the lonely black burning woods,
and keep walking, continuing to stroll on

I have become something stronger
More conscious, more might paying the undertaker
for a deep dark glass of absolutely nothing
A realm all to myself with four corners, that’s beauty
And let them fend for themselves, fend alone
I have become nothing newer
Still a martyr, still dying for a world that continues
to go nowhere and I am now inside
Inside a hollow system of streets, waters, and cities
Too bad they are all fragile, way too fragile


I am him who dies in them horrible black burning woods
(threatening the sticks and stones brought me home)
I am him who plays the agonizing role of a life size pawn
(moving with the good grace of never holding back)
I am him who is better off without the king of the jungle
(Now I am greater, worth more dead than absolute)

[AgrimXXXX]

Brilliant, ****in brilliant.

Especially liked :
Still a martyr, still dying for a world that continues
to go nowhere and I am now inside
Inside a hollow system of streets, waters, and cities
Too bad they are all fragile, way too fragile


I am him who dies in them horrible black burning woods
(threatening the sticks and stones brought me home)
I am him who plays the agonizing role of a life size pawn
(moving with the good grace of never holding back)
I am him who is better off without the king of the jungle
(Now I am greater, worth more dead than absolute)

You ever notice the best poems in here are passed by and the worst get the best critiques?

Anyway, I thought it was great. You have somethin special and unique in writing poems.

[white_riot]

Nice poem i thought it was really good. I liked it the whole way through. Brilliant work. if you have any more you should post them because I would like to read more of your poems. 9/10

[deadreign 2]

Agrim i know what you mean, some of the best stuff in here does get passed by. Anyway, thank you both. I'm happy some people found some time to give a response to this poem.

[MakeJobsNotWar]

interesting, im not really sure on what its about...care to diverge?

[deadreign 2]

It about the whole science and physcology of dying for a cause. Hence the word "martyr" used throughout the poem. And when someone does indeed die for a cause or his/her beliefs, they become more important after they die then when they were living. While that may sound arogant on my part, it holds true. Many people (I am not saying everybody) become more famous and more important when they are dead. And this is shown throughout history.

[deadreign 2]

anyone else have a critique of my poem

[Geometric Patterns]

Mmmm. Whenever a poem is posted you know its going to be wonderful.

I have become something stronger
More conscious, more might paying the undertaker
for a deep dark glass of absolutely nothing
A realm all to myself with four corners, that’s beauty
And let them fend for themselves, fend alone

What an intense segment. Really hits the reader hard, but it is quite the enjoyable feeling.

Honestly, don't mess with this. It's not wise to alter poetry. Lyrics are one thing, you have to change them to fit the music. But poetry is spawned from the passion of the moment, from those feelings that you felt then and that you wont ever feel again. So it's impossible to bring back the muse that gave you that. So, keep it as is, because it is perfect as is.

Wonderful.

[deadreign 2]

thank you. glad you liked it.

Geometric Patterns : I certainly agree with you on your view of poetry.