Search For Perfection

[Txus]

A vision through a moonstill water
The story of a long lost child
Inside this gruesome blackness
This massive hole of emptiness

From the ever he could touch the sky
Yet as he tried to climb
The walls crumbled to dust
And inside, the boy appeared

I watched him grow, I saw his eyes
As he turned away in cries
How it hurts
And the tears taste like blood

From the ever he could touch the sky
Yet as he tried to climb the walls
They crumbled into dust

I ran away from life
Through those walls that imprisoned me
Within myself, inside my pain and misery

As the preludium silenced
I wiped away my crystallized tears
I wiped them all away

[deadreign 2]

I like the idea behind this. It has a good distinct meaning to it. It does seem a rather simple though and somewhat vague. The first verse is strong but i think the following verses do not measure up to the power of the first verse. I like how you talk about yourself in third person until the last two verses. That gives the writing a bit extra meaning and importance.

[Txus]

thanx dude , anyone else ?

[Noku]

A little plain. The "search for perfection" was left a bit too distant. Just like many others on this forum, you tend to forget that logical connection between words is a very powerful method to add some continum to your lyrics. For example the chorus could be:

From the ever he could touch the sky
Yet as he reached for the clouds
The walls faded in dusk
And the boy, rose inside

But, meh I don't know what was the original idea of the chorus anyway...