You hear them upon waking

[Geometric Patterns]

Here the silence runs deep
It washes over the cracks of your skin
You let it carry you away in your sleep
Just float, dont swim

Calmed by the murmur of the earth
The gentle hum of life
And soil and roots that give birth

Disclose your deepest secrets to the trees
They listen and echo it through their leaves
Absorbing your voice and hiding it safe
Deep down with the whispers that resonate in that place
Those intimate thoughts from those before you

Upon waking you can hear them
The ghosts of another time
Who expose themselves to the heavens
And let those dreams of others engulf their minds

[AgrimXXXX]

Not bad, I liked it. Mysterious and interesting. 7/10.

[Sloth]

again, thanks for the crit.. ..interesting title.. That's something that I always look for right away in a piece.. If there isn't an interesting title, there is no motivation to read the piece.. nice..

Here the silence runs deep
It washes over the cracks of your skin
You let it carry you away in your sleep
Just float, dont swim heh.. solid start.. I really like the wording and the last line.


Calmed by the murmur of the earth
The gentle hum of life
And soil and roots that give birth don't see how this connects.. but I'm not done reading.. this isn't bad, it's just confusing right now..


Disclose your deepest secrets to the trees
They listen and echo it through their leaves
Absorbing your voice and hiding it safe
Deep down with the whispers that resonate in that place
Those intimate thoughts from those before you ohhh man! this is awesome! Great imagery and personification! Personification is something I rarely see on here also.. If I do see it, it has something to do with a knife, a gun, or a mirror.. nice man!


Upon waking you can hear them
The ghosts of another time
Who expose themselves to the heavens
And let those dreams of others engulf their minds YESSSSSSSS!


Overall-- This is "tight!" I hate that word...tight... but it was the first word that came to mind.. ha, this is a good piece that incorporates nature that isn't all "oh my god nature! save the whales and hate polution!" I like how you impress the idea that the trees have seen time go by and the different times and struggles that people go through.. Gives the trees a wisdom that people will never understand. I can picture this being in Lord Of The Rings or something.. haha.
awesome man

[white_riot]

Nice poem. interesting the whole way through. i really liked it. you used really great imagery. 8/10.

[Geometric Patterns]

Wow, thank you all for the generous comments :). Haha, yeah, It sounds like I was tlaking about Treebeard...I think that was his name. But I'm glad that the meaning pokes through, I'm always worried that it will be a little too hazy. Thank you all! Any more comments would be great, too.

[deadreign 2]

Here the silence runs deep
It washes over the cracks of your skin
You let it carry you away in your sleep
Just float, dont swim

Starts off well. However I do not like such words as "runs" and "washes" and "carry." WHile these words are decently used here, you could use more complex words to make this sound more interesting. I enjoy the last line, rather simple but nicely written and it goes very well the preceding lines

Calmed by the murmur of the earth
The gentle hum of life
And soil and roots that give birth

I like this. The words "calmed" and "murmur" give this verse great energy. I especially like the phrase "gentle hum."


Disclose your deepest secrets to the trees
They listen and echo it through their leaves
Absorbing your voice and hiding it safe
Deep down with the whispers that resonate in that place
Those intimate thoughts from those before you

This is also good. Although I don't like the use of the word "safe." And I don't really like the last line. It does not flow with the lines that come before it.


Upon waking you can hear them
The ghosts of another time
Who expose themselves to the heavens
And let those dreams of others engulf their minds


This is well written. The last line is fire. The flow is nice here. And this verse makes those that came before it more powereful.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this. It is better than most of the things I read on this forum. I look forward to more

[deadreign 2]

i'm kinda bad with trying to italisize(Im not that good with that kind of stuff). sorry.

[Geometric Patterns]

Thanks for taking the time to do that man, it helps me a lot.

And I was thinking that perhaps that one line should be changed 'those intimate thoughts', but I wasn't sure whether I should rhyme it with A or B. I guess I'll have to look at it. Ill post a recording of it up here within the week, but my 8 track is pretty craptacular.

Hmm. and maybe silence flows deep for the beginning? I'm trying to give the impression of a river, or water, almost like it washes over the reader. Again, I'll have to look at it.

Thank you so much though, I greatly appreciate it.

Anything else?

[Geometric Patterns]

Here the silence flows deep
It trickles though the cracks of your skin
You let it carry you away in your sleep
Just float, dont swim

Calmed by the murmur of the earth
The gentle hum of life
And soil and roots that give birth

Disclose your deepest secrets to the trees
They listen and echo it through their leaves
Absorbing your voice and hiding it safe
Deep down with the whispers that resonate

Upon waking you can hear them
The ghosts of another time
Who expose themselves to the heavens
And let those dreams of others engulf their minds

[deadreign 2]

I like it better with that version. The words you added give the poem more depth and meaningness. well done.

[Corupt2057]

I really don't think you need the " in that place" in that line it's kinda common sense to assume where it takes place.. so that's just excess wording not really needed
however I really liked it the verse on the secrets and the leaves that was killer man very high props to you on that it was dynamite

[spankyone]

Sweet. I love imagery in songs and you do a great job here. I agree that "in that place" is unnecesarry because with AABB ryhming scheme "resonate" rymes wuth "safe."

[Geometric Patterns]

Good points...I made some adjustments to the second version that I posted. THank you all for your input!

Last bump, the I'll let it go.