#84 VOTING (ends mar 28)

[Bigbadbob]

Here is the list of eligable entries. It didnt look like JurialM finished so I left his out. Someone else didnt use the topic word...dont remember the name. Sorry if I spelled your name wrong

Runamokrampant
Pixiesfanyo
BBB
A perfect sonnet
Corupt2057
apartofmegetsore
Rushfan2112
Thepurplewater
addicted tochaos
Careyb
k.s.e.

[Corupt2057]

Hey what about A Perfect Sonnet, Bob?

[pixiesfanyo]

Add Me!

[RunAmokRampant]

pixiesfanyo 8.5/10 1st
Be a shame if you're not added. This is well made. Even though I'm not a big fan in your simple rhyming scheme in the 2nd and 4th stanza, it fits perfectly. Strange but in a good way.

BBB 7.5/10 4th
Again a nice mystical kind of tone within the song. Sinple yet effectively structure. Short but not too vague. Ambiguity (sp) in its truest form. Well done.

A perfect sonnet 6.5/10 6th
Wow is this a trend?. Again to me this similar to the previous 2 pieces. Maybe its just the I perceive it and this is definately up to scratch. It just doesn't as interest me or as attention grabbing. A twisted love song? Not really my cup of tea.

Corupt2057 6/10 7th
Not bad, not bad. A bit forceful in getting the message across and this line I dont like "Beauty is indefinite for lack of adequate illumination". Sound like someone giving a lecture. But other than that, not a bad effort

apartofmegetsore 5.5/10 8th
Ok, first off I don't particulary like to use "lies" much in songs. It is such a boring topic unless used cleverly. It's just me because songs about lies and betrayal are all the same to me. It's ok, some nice flow happening, a bit confusing in the direction of the song but it's ok I guess.

Rushfan2112 5/10 9th
I really dislike your chorus. It's just the way it's set out, I don't like the "-Aesthetic-Cosmetic-Kinetic-Pathetic". It just doesn't make sense to me regarding to the theme of the song and the title.

Thepurplewater 8/10 2nd
I just love the simplicity of this song. It's interesting and the imagery is great. Nice story and somewhat emotionaly attaching. Good effort.

addicted tochaos 7.5/10 5th
Love the imagery in this song and although some of its lost on me "There's a whole world below the flowerbeds" some of your lines are great. Great use of words and vocabulary.

Careyb 4/10 10th
I hate the chorus in this song. The repetition is bland and boring. The rest isn't all that flash either. Needs to be revised or just thrown out. Not terrible terrible, just not good.

k.s.e. 8/10 3th
You have yet to disappoint me k.s.e.

[Corupt2057]

2 Runamokrampant 8.4/10
3 Pixiesfanyo 8/10
5 BBB 7.4/10
4 A perfect sonnet 7.8/10
Corupt2057
9 apartofmegetsore 4.5/10
8 Rushfan2112 5/10
1 Thepurplewater 9/10
7 addicted tochaos 6/10
10 Careyb 3/10
6 k.s.e. 7/10

sorry for no explanations just haven't had much time these past 2 weeks
but if anyone wants illumination on what the reasoning is behind why I rated you as such then just ask I'll get back to you with it when I can

[Bigbadbob]

Runamokrampant 7.7/10 4th
I really like your creativity and it took me awhile to figure out why your disconcerting style just doesnt flow. You seem to consistantly "over use" prepositions. Which in turn upsets any rhythmic meter. Here's an example of what I mean...

"Words gotten out…the deeds been exchanged
A bloody hand prying from one so rigid
From the cold of rigor mortis, something worse
Our fate seems firmly sealed
Choice is now his discretion
To the rest of us we see
In the place of a shepherd
another wolf disguised jackal"

I took out any unnecessary "that" "to" "so" "is" and the flow seems much better. Also "Of what we so desperately strive for" lose the "for"..it's just bad grammer.

Pixesfanyo Where'd you come from? 8/10 2

BBB

A perfect sonnet 8/10 3rd
funny how sometimes you can re-read and get a different feeling. It still seems abbreviated but I like it.

Corupt2057 7.5/10 6th
Its not the content I question but the delivery.

"As different as we all seem to be,
why do the masses all prefer,
the consistant portrayal of beauty..?
Denoting all else as the lack there of.."

sounds more like an arguement in a debate than lyrics

apartofmegetsore 6.8/10 9
Does this lose track of where its going? I mean in the first stanza "I'll rip you to shreds" then later "You'll lure me in again And use me and discard'. I just wonder who is using/ripping whom?


Rushfan2112 7.4/10 7th
Not bad...you turned a couple good phrases but the chorus was a little weak I thought. Seemed to have good energy but for all the ideas put forth kinda came off a little light.

Thepurplewater 7.6/10 5th
Good Title. Not much to say but looks good.

addicted tochaos 7.2/10 8th
"that strange as Earth to me" "There's never any other glare in my eyes" "There's a snow-cloud on the horizons" I dont think you were really focused here. There are some good moments and lines but its inconsistant

Careyb 5/10 10th
hmmm...not really up to challenge standards but I see something worh exploring. Keep at it!


k.s.e. 9/10 1st
"dreamer... it burgeons" no wonder we tied

[<3<3<3]

Runamokrampant
Pixiesfanyo
BBB
A perfect sonnet
Corupt2057
apartofmegetsore
Rushfan2112
Thepurplewater
addicted tochaos
Careyb
k.s.e.

[Rushfan2112]

Runamokrampant-Wolf disguised jackal, I dunno, this one threw up question marks for me...isn't a wolf a jackal, there for there is no disquise? Meh, thats my thought
7/10
5th


Pixiesfanyo
"this embryo will soon erase" What?!?! This sense no makes! that killed it for me
5/10
9th

Bigbadbob
“This one is a dreamer
With no conscience to compete
The asking is the taking”
I don't quite get this line. a dreamer has no will to compete? thats what i got out of it, but that doesn't work.
8/10
2nd

A perfect sonnet- OK, but I don't understand how the lyrics and the title fit...
"misery’s claws tore at her chest" way to overdramatic...
5/10
8th

Corupt2057-eye of the beholder...way to clichjed and obvious to use, but a good lyric here
8/10
3rd

Apartofmegetsore-way to much wishing, overusage over word valentine, little flow, uncreative, bleh, not a fan
4/10
10th

LostCosmanaut
"like a.m. yelling screams" Do mornings yell at you, they don't yell at me? "We'll fill our plaster with cracks" Fill our cracks with plaster....maybe we should fill our moneys with banks and fill our clothes with closets? You suck here. "of our forgotten dreams" maybe you forgot the dream because you were trying to figure out how to crack plasters....
yes, all this and you didnt use the word, your not even listed, but making fun of this horrible lyric has made my day
-15/10
0th

Thepurplewater-not quite sure why the guy is fat, and how that relates, but otherwise this is ok.
7/10
4th


Addicted tochaos-good, but seems like challenege word was forced in here
6/10
6th


Careyb-this and that, not very thoughtful there. And. its only my opinion, but lyrics should have rhymes somewhere, i didnt catch any...
6/10
7th


kse-can't find a problem, other than it may have been turned in late?
9/10
1st

[k.s.e.]

Quite a turn out as you can see, yes.

Runamokrampant 7.0 / 4
Pixiesfanyo 8.5 / 2
BBB 8.8 / 1
A perfect sonnet 6.5 / 5
Corupt2057 6.4 / 6
apartofmegetsore 6.0 / 8
Rushfan2112 6.1 / 7
Thepurplewater 5.9 / 9
addicted tochaos 7.1 / 3
Careyb 5.8 / 10

this was actually kinda hard for me to vote on... i think everyone did a good job. just cause you're on the bottom, it isn't cause you suck.

[Corupt2057]

purple water you better get on the ball and vote it'd be a shame to have you DQ'ed in the next challenge

[Bigbadbob]

purple water you better get on the ball and vote it'd be a shame to have you DQ'ed in the next challenge

Speaking of which...corupt2057, you need to add Pixiesfanyo to your list. He was a later comer

[Permanent Solution]

Further speaking, as long as Burt's gone I don't think much is going to really happen so for now it seems he has time...

[ATC]

Runamokrampant - I would have preferred it if you had not revealed the words,but oh wells. The flaw would be this inability to translate good words and images into something more.. I'd edit out the first and last verses. The in-between is top-notch. 3

Pixiesfanyo- Very nice. 4

BBB- I dunno. I'm a little middle-of-the-road here. It could have been a little more passionate or it could have been a little more beautiful. For now,I'll just say okies. 6

A perfect sonnet- Kinky. Melikes. Indeed, art is love. It's understated,given the theme. :thumb: 2

Corupt2057- You have some really nice lines in there. I think you used just enough force to be memorable. Definitely one of my favorites this time around. 1

apartofmegetsore- No. Just no. Overdone. Not a fan of the slasher genre either. 10

Rushfan2112- I dont get the chorus,and a lot of the song. You're all over the place. And the __-___-___-____ parts arent helping much either. Welcome to the wonderful world of barely-underground\mainstream radio. 9

Thepurplewater- They come in threes,dont they? 8

addicted tochaos- Stupid and contagious

Careyb- What you were looking for's an anaesthetic,not an aesthetic. Reminds me of F.L.O.W (Future leaders of the world). PS: Anaesthetics make you unconscious and arent meant to help you go on. Maybe next time... 7

k.s.e.- Nice work, just lacking the hooks. 5

There was very little separating the last 4 places. I hope you guys like unbalanced dice and GO.

[Corupt2057]

thanks bbb
I'll make sure to do that just as soon as I get home
so I'll have time to read it I'm still at work ;-)

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

THEM'S THE VOTES

Runamokrampant - 6th
Pixiesfanyo - 3rd
BBB - 4th
A perfect sonnet - Sucked
Corupt2057 - 5th
apartofmegetsore - 7th
Rushfan2112 - 8th
Thepurplewater - 9th
addicted tochaos - 1st
Careyb - 10th
k.s.e. - 2nd