unnamed(please crit)

[AshesOfHate]

Untitled

I wrote your name a million times
but i crossed it out a million more
You didn't know my name
and you didn't even think i knew yours

I fell asleep wondering about you
wondering if i ever could live without you
Seeing you smile heats me up inside
I want to know if i can make it on the outside

I felt alone in this world I see
You walked right past and my world was clear to me
I knew who you were and where you'd be
You have no idea you mean the world to me

As the time passes
my heart collapses
My frail heart shatters
when you tell me that i don't matter

I wish you felt the same
and i wish i could take your blame
Today you laid your hand upon me
and said that you adore me

You glued my heart back again
and showed me that you really care.

[hbbs79]

Untitled

I wrote your name a million times
but i crossed it out a million more
You didn't know my name
and you didn't even think i knew yours

Nice, Strong intro to a song. Might be better like 'And you didn't think i even knew yours', i don't know.

I fell asleep wondering about you
wondering if i ever could live without you
Seeing you smile heats me up inside
I want to know if i can make it on the outside

'Seeing you smile heats me up inside' i don't know about this, it's ok, not that great, all around, a good verse

I felt alone in this world I see
You walked right past and my world was clear to me
I knew who you were and where you'd be
You have no idea you mean the world to me

This is great, i really liked this. I think u could break the second line into two.

As the time passes
my heart collapses
My frail heart shatters
when you tell me that i don't matter

This is good, short and to the point.

I wish you felt the same
and i wish i could take your blame
Today you laid your hand upon me
and said that you adore me

i don't know, this seems okay at first, then it just declines. could be rewritten.

You glued my heart back again
and showed me that you really care.

Nice outro, i liked this.


This song, all around, is good. If you revise, it could be great. 8/10