take me away (please crit this)

[aperfectool]

cant stay in this place
ill do anything
just take me away
cant live in this darkness
cant carry this sh it placed on my back
cant take the ugly demon consuming me

stand tall my son
it happens to the best of us
any thing life will throw
you can over come
youll receive pain
from love and hate
and much more to come
dont let it get to you
look past all that sh it
youll get through it

i dont know if i can handle it
im walking to close to the edge
and im in fear of falling to my death

i wish i could be there to guide you through
all of the problems that encounter you
i wish i could protect you from
peoples cruel intentions
i wish i could but i have to leave now
im sorry son i have to go

keep your head tall
stick your chest out
youll survive it all


stay with me
dont leave
please stay with me
ill do anything
just stay with me
please dont leave

[rt1610]

to me i see the idea you have but it comes out as rap the only part i like is the very last stanza other than that its kind of confusing and maybe its just me i didnt really like it build off the last part tho keep trying i know my writing sucks too

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

Rap? No. Crap? Yes.