The Art Of A Tragedy

[broken_]

Red life is spilled
across this white canvas
Depicting choices we make
telling stories of our life
We fcuked up
but were only human
The future is changing
but the past is forever

We all make mistakes
and forget what were worth
We can say were sorry
but the wounds lay unanswered

We are what we create
nothing more than a hardcover story
Full of deception
and a sihtty ending
We can rewrite the last chapters
but the climax has long past
We can mold tomorrow
but yesterday is the same

We all make mistakes
and forget what were worth
We can say were sorry
but the wounds lay unanswered

Lets start again
from the other side
Once a canvas so pure
is now filled with the bullsiht of our lives
We've come to know
The art of a tragedy

We all make mistakes
and forget what were worth
We can say were sorry
but the wounds lay unanswered
[Lets just forget the past]
and walk the way we use to
[Pretend its gone]
this loss is the start of many

Can we just forget
or are we losing hope again
Can we just pretend
to be the way we were back then

[DrownedThought]

I cant crit now but i will later.

[TrentStevens]

Lets start again
from the other side
Once a canvas so pure
is now filled with the bullsiht of our lives
We've come to know
The art of a tragedy

thats a good phrase, its to the point.
the rest of it needs work though.
id give it about a 5/10

[broken_]

I cant crit now but i will later.
thanks ?

[DrownedThought]

sorry, i tried finding the song but had no luck... but now i found it...

Just like the guys before it needs alot of work. Try to make the song more of saying a story. When i read the song it sounds like your complaining. 6/10.

[Chimerical]

This just hits me as angsty bullsiht. I'm not saying that to be mean or anything, it just strikes me as something going nowhere. The phrasing isn't particularly inventive, and you're not really saying anything. It's just like all the other songs that follow this vein. I'm not danming you, however. Next time you write a song, think about what you're really trying to say. This just seems to be something you could find anywhere.

[broken_]

what would you say i did best ?
we've pretty much summed up all the flaws.
i have music to the lyrics and my band plays it.
I'm going to edit it and repost later on or something.
any suggestions ?

[Chimerical]

Red life is spilled
across this white canvas
Depicting choices we make
telling stories of our life
We fcuked up
but were only human
The future is changing
but the past is forever
You start out with imagery (pretty common imagery, too, but I won't get into that), and then suddenly change to such frank phrasing as "we fcuked up". It doesn't really fit, and doesn't say much, either.
We all make mistakes
and forget what were worth
We can say were sorry
but the wounds lay unanswered
Again, this is pretty common. No imagery -- hey where'd it go? If you start with imagery, you kinda wanna keep it throughought the song. It just helps it flow better.
We are what we create
nothing more than a hardcover story
Full of deception
and a sihtty ending
We can rewrite the last chapters
but the climax has long past
We can mold tomorrow
but yesterday is the same
Oh, okay, so I found the imagery again. But you do the same thing. You go back to that crude wording and common imagery.

The song follows the same vein pretty much all the way through.

[_LukE_]

It's good, it's been said before so i'm not gonna repeat it. If you could rephase teh swearing it could be alot better, stay in the same course with the elegant side of it. 5/10.

[broken_]

if you guys are sayin its been done then tell me what you think the songs about
thanks for the replies

[_LukE_]

I was meaning I was thinking the things the other guys weres saying,