Psha The Red Velvet, crit for a crit

[MechanicalClockworkOrgy]

this is my duos name as well as one of our songs
the lryics only rythm next to the music, sorry guys

Psha The Red Velvet

Psha The Red Velvet

Theres a smile on the moon as I lay down to rest
Everybodys up, but I’m goin’ to bed
Its been a long day of thinking

These young kids don’t know what it is to be
Kids don’t care we just wanna have freedom
But well never work for free

Who can blame us its how we were raised
Brought up with no cause just knowing how to be me
And I still sound like a hypocrite


And we run
Through the hills
Runnin in the grassy fields

And you fall
And I come
To help you back on your feet

Yes I am the type who will not desert
But ill still stick around for the grand melodie
Don’t we all love the big patch of wood

Yes the forest
Not the pavement
Is where we make our home

Never getting lost in the
Dark dark woods
Unity over no home at all

Always moving
Pulling the nomad
Running rampant on the gravel trails

[Witty Username]

*lyrics
*rhyme or rythm, I'm not sure which you were going for.

Theres a smile on the moon as I lay down to rest
*There's/There is

Everybodys up, but I’m goin’ to bed
*Everybody's

Its been a long day of thinking
*It's

These young kids don’t know what it is to be
what

Who can blame us its how we were raised
Brought up with no cause just knowing how to be me
And I still sound like a hypocrite

Don't switch from we/us I/me like that. Keep it consistent.

But ill still stick around for the grand melodie
Don’t we all love the big patch of wood
*I'll
*melody
There is no such thing as a "patch" of wood.

Very meh overall.

[rapidhopeloss]

Who can blame us its how we were raised
Brought up with no cause just knowing how to be me
And I still sound like a hypocrite



witty username is sorta right usually most people don't do it but i don't think it's like a rule or anything . if you add a question mark to "And I still sound like a hypocrite" and make it "And I still sound like a hypocrite?" it would probably make it easier to understand why it is like that

[I.might.be.retarded]

the first stanza was good i thought, very relatable. the next two seemed weak and forced to me though. i liked the second to last stanza too. especially the last line. if you could comment on mine i'd appreciate it. its called "the awkward silence" thanks

[MechanicalClockworkOrgy]

sure thing man^

yea, its kind of out of my ***.....really really, as most of all my songs are

and for witty username, i agree that i should clean it up a bit for gramatical errors and the such