Drift Away

[NoLeafClover54]

yeah i wrote this and my friends think its good
crit me and i crit u

Drift Away
it seems like the day before
Even though it was years ago
Time is slipping away
Before I even began to know

Hear that musc playing on
They playin my song with all its glory
Nothing ever seems so pure
But that's before they knew my story

Just as fast as you know
You remember what you had
All your memories stay with you
They all come and go, good or bad

Drift away to the black...
Drift away to the pain...
Drift away to the back...
Drift away from the sane....

You come up in front of me, and say
"Good day sir. How are you?"
I'd reply but I can't remember
If only i knew, If only I knew

People fight every day
THey've done it through out time
There's a;ways been a good and a bad
but sometimes they cross that line

Taking back all I'd given away
Their ain't a da*n thing you can do
We both fight and both keep losing
If only I knew, If only we knew

Drift away to the void
Drift away to the rage
Drift awayto the noise
Drift away from the cage


I have atleast annother verse somewhere well here it is

[AgrimXXX]

It's okay but nothing special sorry

[I.might.be.retarded]

i liked it except the second stanza, seemed kind of weak to me. the chorus's were nice i thought however. the rest of it needs some work, but doesnt every thing? i dont really know how to suggest to fix it, nothing really struck me when i read it, and usually if i'm gonna think of something, i do it immediately. but overall, i'd say 5.5/10, with some work it could be better. if you could look at mine "the awkward silence" i'd appreciate it

[Witty Username]

it seems like the day before
Even though it was years ago
Time is slipping away
Before I even began to know
You are switching tenses. Make it either "Time was slipping away", or "Before I even begin to know". Remain consistent.


Hear that musc playing on
They playin my song with all its glory
*music
*They're
*with should probably be "in', in this case.

[Coldceller]

It's alright. It could make good filler material for an album. Is there music to this? The music might seem to pull it together, it needs something to hold it together.

[Drumr144]

nice song, sounds almost like tupac or a Afroman song. lol but anyway i give u a 7/10

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

nice song, sounds almost like tupac or a Afroman song. lol but anyway i give u a 7/10

^--Doesn't understand music.

[Daven]

its ok... 6/10